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Turning the lights back on...

Thursday, September 17, 2020

Hey there friends.. been lying low the past few days. Found myself in a place where I couldn't find anything nice to say..., it started right around the anniversary of September 11.. I had difficulty processing all the hypocrisy of "we are one", "never forget" "always remember" "USA strong" from the very people who have been spewing venom for so long now and I wanted to lash out. My responses grew hurtful and angry and I needed to step away and process those feelings. Couple that with 6 months of hubby and I being out of work, no sign of travel picking up any time soon and watching unemployment funds dwindle to 0 and I felt exhausted. So I put my pom poms down. I have no desire to add fuel to the fire and momma says "if you ain't got nothing nice to say".. well for days, sadly I did not.

So we escaped to our mountains and I spent a LOT of time alone in prayer and painting. I also picked apples from our trees and made homemade applesauce and apple cheese dumplings for breakfast.. hubby was up doing his own painting and connecting with nature finishing up his hunting blind. We pretty much stayed isolated from technology and people in general for 4 days.

Normally I still get up and blog then share later in the day when I get internet access somewhere in our travels.. but each day, all I felt was disdain and anger, and I didn't want to capture those feelings and spread ugly. We did venture out to the Flycreek Cider Mill one day and that was lovely.. but other than that we stayed put on our mountain for the most part.. Daily ride to a spot where I could check on Ryder texts and to check in on a friend in distress. DIdn't venture onto FB or other social media platforms.. except when I got an alert from my DIL when she tagged us on grandparents day.

This morning was my first #cko class since last Friday morning and boy did I need it.. I left there feeling this freedom I have not felt in over a week and I headed to the store to pick up some staples. I hate feeling so out of control, so I have decided to take control and focus on healthy eating.. It all started with this 6 lb butternut squash I found at a farm stand in NYS for $2.50. I have challenged myself to utilize this bad boy in several different ways, not one gram to be wasted. I've also decided to switch things up a bit and so I am going to go purple for a few weeks on a somewhat plant based diet. Inexpensive proteins, beans, veggies will be my jam.. since fall is upon us soup is going to be front and center and a daily occurrence.. started last night with a butternut/apple soup.

Ryder will be eating soon.. Dr says 5 months.. he will be starting out with cereal then some mashed fruits and veggies.. so in solidarity Nonna will be eating a similar diet.

Thank God for that boy, he is the sunshine every day no matter how disenchanted I find myself with humanity. For him I will persevere. I will not allow the negativity sway me. I've recharged my batteries and my light is ready to shine again for those who want and need it, including me.

Have a wonderful day!

PS Ryder says I'm ready for my food people - do I have to wait two more weeks?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    glad you took time for yourself -- we need that some times
    77 days ago
    (((((HUGS))))) Glad you're feeling at least a little better. Prayers for you and DH. It's just a tough economic time right now.

    Oh my goodness, I can't believe how big Ryder has gotten!!! Yeah he looks like he's ready for some good eats!

    77 days ago
  • EISSA7
    All you can do is control yourself....thoughts, feelings, words, reactions...stepping back when disillusioned instead of further aggravating yourself is the wisest move for sanity preservation. Glad to hear that you are recharged and ready to shine brightly once again!
    77 days ago
    Yes! Ryder is waiting to be served!! Right now. So he is getting used to the spoon! Good for Ryder! Glad you're back!
    77 days ago
    Hahaha...cute pic!
    77 days ago

    Ever so glad you are back with us !!
    I missed you.
    I chose to believe you were missing because all was right with your upstate visit.

    77 days ago
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    78 days ago
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