Patient is not my middle name
Saturday, September 12, 2020
Did I post yesterday about my PET scan? I think I did but there really wasn’t anything to talk about so who knows. The scan took an hour and a half. It went by unbelievably fast. I was shocked when I woke up and they said I could get up & go. Sleep is a Godsend.
So yesterday was my date with Dr. Jones, my oncologist. I swear I was walking into a death sentence. I prepared myself for the worst. I mean this is the 5th time it’s come back. Inoperable tumors is the worst because you never know what’s next. I watched his body language & eyes. Really, nothing different. But then again aren’t they supposed to be good at hiding bad news? So I broke the ice and asked what the news was, am I out of remission? He said they aren’t really sure but he believes I am. I will be getting a biopsy and then start radiation.
I walked out of the room, I wouldn’t necessarily say better but glad I wasn’t told it spread and I have 3 months to live. I had to get some iv fluids & nausea meds so I hung out for another hour and finally left.
Diabetes be damned I had
Unbelievably, I ate that double cheeseburger like it was a normal part of my life & omg the fries. So fresh & hot. Guilty I felt not.
When I got home I felt a bit better but I still felt confused. Do I or don’t I bury the feelings like I always do? We’ll see I guess.
As for lunch I still feel no guilt at all.