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My Life in Pictures

Monday, August 31, 2020

I took some time this morning to look back over my life and think about how I've gotten to this point. I've struggled with weight my entire life and I'm tired of it. I need to keep the weight off for good this time.

I wasn't an overweight child. Here's me as a young one:

The first time I can remember thinking "I'm fat" was in the 5th grade. Neither of my parents had a weight problem when I was growing up. They were both always fairly fit. I was born in 1987 and have two older sisters who are considerably older than me. One of my sisters has always been overweight and the other has always struggled with eating disorders and being underweight. Where did we get these eating issues?? Here's my family when I was around 9 or 10 years old, starting to feel too big.

In high school, I started the yo-yo dieting. My lowest weight was about 150 lbs. and my highest was 190 lbs. I'd ping pong back in forth, going from eating next to nothing to bingeing. I started doing theatre in high school, which I definitely think contributed to this. I would crash diet before auditions and then give up when I didn't get the part I wanted. Here are some pictures of high school Rachel.

I got to college and was definitely suffering from depression, but didn't want to take medication. I started drinking and partying and gained weight over the first couple years. When I got to my senior year, I started to pull my life together. I joined SparkPeople for the first time and lost almost 50 lbs. that year. But I lost it FAST. I went full force and wasn't really concerned with making a life change. I just wanted to be skinny. The picture on the left here is me at around 215 lbs. in our school production of Assassins in October 2009. The right hand picture is me in May 2010 at about 175 lbs. before my senior recital.

Once I graduated college, I started gaining weight steadily over the years. In 10 years, I gained just around 80 lbs. Here are some pictures of my student recitals over the past few years:

Here are some performance pictures of me over the past couple years in Oklahoma, Titanic, and Sunset Boulevard.

I can't stand that I let myself get this overweight! I wanted to lose weight for my wedding last year but never ended up doing it. Here are pictures from the big day.

Clearly, I have never and will never stop living my life because of my weight. But I want to be in control of my choices and not feel helpless to my compulsive need to eat. I'm tired of this struggle. I want to eat to nourish my body, not because I'm stressed or depressed or feel like I'm out of control. I've lost 15 lbs. so far, and today I'm redoubling my efforts to get the next 15 off!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    No matter how you look at it you are beautiful and talented, you can lose the weight but you do it for you not for someone else's idea of what you should be.
    331 days ago
    LOVE the pictures!! WOOHOO on the losing 15 so far!! That's great!!

    When you eat healthy does it allow for junk food, even a little bit? I HAVE to or else,, WOOF WOOF it's ALL GONE everything in the tri state area!! I LOVE Pizza and I flatly REFUSE to give it up,,,, so if I am out with a group I also get a salad with it, and take tiny bites of a slice (if it's a large if it's a small 2)of pizza.

    We are here with you. TY TY For posting.
    331 days ago
    Congrats you are such an inspiration emoticon
    331 days ago
    I've lost just over 10lbs so far... Slow and steady and we'll get there eventually! I can't wait to not be the fattest person on stage!
    331 days ago
    I was 100 pounds when I got married and had never dieted. I gai,ed about 10 pounds each of my 5 pregnancies. Then menopause hit and I gained more with each passing year.
    331 days ago
  • COOP9002
    331 days ago
  • TWEDEE777
    Great start!! You motivate me to keep going!!
    331 days ago
    Happy for you that you're taking control. We're all here doing it together! Btw, you were a beautiful bride!
    331 days ago
  • no profile photo GOFORGIN
    331 days ago
  • KIMCAR08
    Wtg! Been there done that. All we can do is move forward. You're doing great. Keep positive, focused, and motivated. You've got this. Good luck on your journey. I can see your future self. You are wonderful. Have a wonderful Monday.
    331 days ago
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