I took some time this morning to look back over my life and think about how I've gotten to this point. I've struggled with weight my entire life and I'm tired of it. I need to keep the weight off for good this time.
I wasn't an overweight child. Here's me as a young one:
The first time I can remember thinking "I'm fat" was in the 5th grade. Neither of my parents had a weight problem when I was growing up. They were both always fairly fit. I was born in 1987 and have two older sisters who are considerably older than me. One of my sisters has always been overweight and the other has always struggled with eating disorders and being underweight. Where did we get these eating issues?? Here's my family when I was around 9 or 10 years old, starting to feel too big.
In high school, I started the yo-yo dieting. My lowest weight was about 150 lbs. and my highest was 190 lbs. I'd ping pong back in forth, going from eating next to nothing to bingeing. I started doing theatre in high school, which I definitely think contributed to this. I would crash diet before auditions and then give up when I didn't get the part I wanted. Here are some pictures of high school Rachel.
I got to college and was definitely suffering from depression, but didn't want to take medication. I started drinking and partying and gained weight over the first couple years. When I got to my senior year, I started to pull my life together. I joined SparkPeople for the first time and lost almost 50 lbs. that year. But I lost it FAST. I went full force and wasn't really concerned with making a life change. I just wanted to be skinny. The picture on the left here is me at around 215 lbs. in our school production of Assassins in October 2009. The right hand picture is me in May 2010 at about 175 lbs. before my senior recital.
Once I graduated college, I started gaining weight steadily over the years. In 10 years, I gained just around 80 lbs. Here are some pictures of my student recitals over the past few years:
Here are some performance pictures of me over the past couple years in Oklahoma, Titanic, and Sunset Boulevard.
I can't stand that I let myself get this overweight! I wanted to lose weight for my wedding last year but never ended up doing it. Here are pictures from the big day.
Clearly, I have never and will never stop living my life because of my weight. But I want to be in control of my choices and not feel helpless to my compulsive need to eat. I'm tired of this struggle. I want to eat to nourish my body, not because I'm stressed or depressed or feel like I'm out of control. I've lost 15 lbs. so far, and today I'm redoubling my efforts to get the next 15 off!