Checking In

Thursday, August 20, 2020

This is an update for some of my long-time SP friends, I still cherish you all even tho I've been absent.

One of the reasons I've been quiet is bc I haven't had a lot (read: any) good news, and was tired of sharing my same ole problems over and over again. If it gets old for me, how much more so for you, the reader? Instead I tried to share non-personal, positive things. I did try to keep it positive and share gratitude, but - still. So I pretty much shut up, dropped out, and focused on enduring in silence. I do have sources of inspiration and encouragement, including many of you; but there's only so much you can say to help someone, and I didn't want to be an energy vampire, nor bottomless pit of neediness that sucks people dry. Thank you to all of you who loved me anyway. We've been through a lot of my hard times together, haven't we?!

So as many of you know, I've been on wilderness journey, desert journey, for wow - about 12 years now. (Not going there. Just giving a hint of background.)

Really big news: Today I am unpacking into a new place, and I am soooooo grateful. Those of you who have been on this journey with me, know just how much of an understatement that is. It's not an ideal sitch, it has lots of privacy but a community kitchen; but it is STILL a lot better than I've had, and is actually pretty good. I'll pm the particulars to anyone who asks. I know those of you who have prayed for me are rejoicing with me.

If that wasn't enough, I'm also waiting for drug test results for a new job that is starting $1.25 more per hour than the last one. Background check is already in. Since I've never done drugs, it's just a matter of time, probably will start next week. It's only retail at a home improvement big box store, not a professional job; however it is SO much more better than my last situation. I always said the last one was "my LAST deli", and it is - I am now OUT of anything food-related and I'm not going back. Still looking for professional position in parallel job search, while working retail. Making more at this job is rich payback, since I was treated so bad at the last job.

In May I bought my first iPhone, a 6S, new not refurbished, for $99 at StraightTalk's website. I'm still learning how to use it. I don't like Siri, and my email is intentionally still not hooked up to the phone. In June I bought a 2004 Ford Freestar minivan, my first ever Ford and my first ever minivan. Still learning it, too. With these two items, phone and van, I intended to do instacart to supplement deli income. I have to followup with instacart.

So this summer I got a modern smartphone, new vehicle, new place to live, and new, much better in multiple ways, job. Can you say, "Hallelujah PAR-TAY"???!!!

Finally, I have good news of a personal nature to share!!

I'm also tackling obesity.

Just put batteries in the new scale, and carried it to my new bathroom; I set it on the floor and it asked me to step on the scale and I almost screamed and peed my pants. I had NO idea it was a talking scale!, LOL.

My old weight shown on my SparkPage during several years of inactivity was 322. At one point since, I know I was 333 from a Dr's visit. So today was the dreaded day to weigh, and I was bracing myself. I guesstimated I was ~350+. Bc I feel really huge, heavy, and slow.

I took my shoes, watch, and glasses off, emptied my pockets, and weighed fully clothed.

After recovering my composure from the scale talking to me, I shut the bathroom door hoping no one would hear, and stepped on the scale.

316.4 lbs.

And YES, it said my weight OUTLOUD, too. I looked for a button to turn off the sound; no such luck.

I'm going to round the pounds; not doing point anything.

Something that really helped me before, in early days of SP, I found out purely by accident, if I hang a calendar on the wall with a pushpin, and attach a string with a sharpie to the pin, and record my weight every day, it has a large psychological impact that I don't quite understand, but really makes a huge difference. This is not logical to me. But it works. For me, at least. There is just something about seeing it, in big black numbers, your weight every day, and then when it starts going down . . . it is amazing how important and motivating that becomes. So that's what I'm going to do; I already have the calendar. Weighing the recommended once a week does nothing at all for me, so those studies that say different don't apply to me. But what really makes a (visual??? or something: ) difference, is writing it down daily with a sharpie.

I'm learning about keto and low carb, and know for sure I will do low carb and am actually enthused about keto. First I investigated the cons of keto to see if there were any scientific basis for the detractors and naysayers, and in my case in the case of my health, there was not.

So I'm just beginning but have already stopped drinking coke and gone low carb. I have keto pot roast in the crock pot right now. My goal it to transition to hunger / full; eat when hungry, stop when full. But I have a quite a lot to lose, so it will take some time. I reset my SP page weight and SP goals.

Wow what a journey. Finally, finally, coming to the other side. The whole time I did not lose faith in God's love for me; I did not doubt although I did not understand; and I knew if, IF, I did not give up, I would eventually come through the desert.

I am so thankful for God's great mercy, forgiveness, and love. He has compassion on us, and He remembers that He made us from dust.

Enjoy The Journey.

Keep your song, and keep singing.

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