Tuesday, August 11, 2020
I'm a little tired and disorganized today, and today was a great day. Yesterday was crazy-making, as I discovered a broken link in my work website that was preventing clients and potential clients from booking. FACEPALM. This time with COVID has made work challenging enough, without me shooting myself in the food with a disrupted website! I have worked since I was 14 years old, so having a slow down in my workflow has been both a blessing and so incredibly hard. It took my husband and me 4 hours to hunt down the issue and fix it, and thank god for him, he works in IT so he has patience and know-how as to how to address these issues.
To make matters harder, a bit of temptation: a dear friend of mine followed his dreams seven years ago and opened a candy shop, stocking candies from all over the world. He is losing his business due to COVID, and my husband went to stock up and support his closing out sale, so there has been a full grocery bag full of candy sitting in our bedroom for the last 10 days. I wasn't tempted until yesterday when I realized I had that broken link, and then nothing I could do was working to fix it. I really notice that I eat when I feel powerless. I just kept doing what I call "drive by's" where you take 'just one or two' each time you pass by, and suddenly I had eaten half a bag of peanut butter cups! The bags are only 5 oz total, but still. I hadn't planned on having any at all. I tracked it, and it's not pretty to see the numbers. I went for a 22-mile bike ride yesterday in the morning, so I didn't feel like I needed more exercise. It was also 97 degrees here yesterday, so I didn't want to go outside and garden or take a walk, and I was just sitting in my frustration, unable to resolve it for several hours.
I did eat and I didn't bing, but I certainly noticed the patterns of food and feelings. I have a lot of feelings, and I've used food a lot to manage them.
Today was grocery shopping day, and I got everything I needed to eat well for the week. I feel good about making better choices, and am going to keep watching the feelings around power and control and food. I hope you all had a good day!