Guess I'm back
Monday, August 10, 2020
It's been so many years since I've been on Sparkpeople. I had honestly reached a point in my health and fitness journey where I was happy with how I felt and who I was. I thought I could keep it up for the rest of my existence. I wasn't going to be one of those people who gained all of the weight back. I had it all figured out. And I had been doing so well for so long. But, things can change in an instant. I was at a late night skating practice and I fell. I mean, I went down. I went down instead of going up into a jump. I toed in the ice to start my flip jump and my ankle just twisted and I went down and could not get up. My ankle felt loose. It was creepy AF. Have you ever felt like your foot wasn’t fully attached? No? Good, try to keep it that way. I had zero pain but tons of bad thoughts about what was going on. Needless to say, I broke my fibula offset and tore the tendons. Needless to say, this was 2 surgeries and 12 weeks on crutches through the summer. This was 2017. I was actually ok during the summer. I didn’t have much appetite and I was completely understanding of what I was going through. The problems started once I could start to walk again. I was literally starting at a setting of speed 1 on the treadmill. Did you know that people really do use that? I was in PT from September through December 3 days a week for a long time. That’s when things started to go down hill. I became depressed. It was a long battle. I had to relearn how to walk, how to use the stairs, and I had so much strength to gain back. In October (2.5 months after I started walking), my boyfriend and I went on a cruise. It was a wonderful trip. I ate and drank like I was on a cruise. Then when we got back to the real world, I continued to eat like I was constantly on a cruise. Throughout my depression, I gained a good 30 lbs. Almost back to my heaviest. Then I started to hate my job. I was completely stressed out. While the job was fine, the owner/management made everything about working there difficult. It was terribly micro-managed and by 2 managers which made things tough when they were both out of the office all the time. The owner never trusted us. He thought everyone was out to take advantage of him. He was a great salesperson but a terrible business owner. He made me ragey. He made me depressed. He made it so that I couldn’t sleep because I dreaded going into the office. Then when Covid came, he let us work from home for 4 weeks until he panicked that he didn’t have control of use and required us to come back. It was not helping my mental health. Throughout the last year, my father got sick. I was helping to take care of all things of my parents. He started to have strokes and they found stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He took all of my mother’s energy and I had to take her energy and take over the things that my father had always done. It will be a new blog post regarding all of that situation and that stress level but unfortunately, I lost my father in March 2020. It hurts. I miss him. I wish I could have him back because he was not ready to go. But in June 2020, during a global pandemic, I got a new job (these details will also be another blog post). This job has been a game changer. I may not love myself again yet but I don’t want to get sick like my father did and I know I need to get some of this weight off to help my ankle in the long run of life so I need to get back to work. I have been tracking for a couple of weeks now. I had really wanted to hit 199 by my 40th birthday last week and I was close. 200.3 but I’m still bummed about that. I thought I was going to make it. I ate over the weekend and now I’m back to really tracking. I have so many places still to grow now. I need to care about myself a little more to really bring this home but I am happy to start somewhere. It’s all about the baby steps.
I guess I’ll be seeing you around Sparkpeople more. Thanks!