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July 31, 2020

Friday, July 31, 2020

Ok...so I don't know how to even begin. Actually, I do. I'm always beginning but never following through. Life has been really getting me down. My MS has been acting up. 2019 I was in the hospital due to an MS flare as they wanted to make sure it was MS and not heart problems. 6 months off work then. This year I'm off again. End of May until Sept for sure. MS again ( this time affecting mental state and balance). Top that off my BIL was killed in a transport crash at the beginning of the year. That entire side of the family is really having a hard time. I try to be supportive, but with the issues I was having, I just couldn't be.
Now I need to decide if I will continue with my full-time job cause it's not fair to the others working there that I need to take so much time off. I work at a grocery store in a department that only has my self and the manager full time. The rest are international students. Frankly, I really don't want to work anyway as I feel so much better when I'm not there, physically and mentally.
As for my weight, I gained another 10lbs since Dec. 2018-19 and haven,t been able to take that off. One of the reasons is I'm scared to exercise, as I don't want to be laid up for 3 days or more i. When i was working I couldn't even bring my self to walk because i was just too exhausted. Now I have time, I don't know. I just don't. I have a little bit this week. Also trying to track my food, only to find out I don't eat enough. My calories are under 1000 unless I'm eating bad and which time they skyrocket.
So I am going to force my self to walk every day at least a mile. It takes me different times depending on the weather and if I bring my fur baby.
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