Yesterday was productive
Thursday, July 30, 2020
I started out depressed because of my health, but it ended up being the kind of day where I got things done and even though I was surprisingly sleepy, I made gumbo from scratch for dinner and I took a leisurely walk afterwards. I booked all the rv parks going to Yellowstone and staying there for my honeymoon, I ordered some more essential things for the wedding, and did some more planning. I stuck to my food plan for the first time in a week, and started to think about what food to get at the grocery store for next week.
Today it's cool and rainy, so after breakfast I'm going for a walk. I did some stretching this morning, which the Fitbit registered as steps, and tried to get some of the rain-stiffness out. Honestly there's nothing like activity to cheer myself up, it's so much better than overeating and moping all day. I think I got into a pattern of doing unhelpful things early, because severe asthma kept me from moving my body like I might have if I didn't have asthma. I think on the one hand it turned me into the avid reader I was for 40 or so years, but it also taught me to fear physical activity. I've always loved walking, but I could only walk sporadically when I was young, and a lot of the time all I could do was sit in bed and gasp for air. I'm so glad those days are over, and 95% of the time my inhaler makes me functional again. But getting and staying with the mindset of activity being a good thing has been suprisingly hard to do permanently.
Still, hiking in Yellowstone is a big incentive for me. I've got two and a half months to get myself to a place where I can take long walks, and hopefully that's enough time. Whatever improvement I make will be welcome. I would also like to weigh about 165 by my wedding, which is about 15 pounds less than my last weigh-in. Surely that's possible in ten weeks, since it's less than two pounds a week. I'm hoping being a little less heavy and working on cardio will help with breathing and hiking in the much higher elevation, because I really want to be able to see as much as possible of the park.
And I'm not forgetting my long-term goal of growing and cooking food for people. I've struggled so much with being shy, introverted and awkward, and also wanting to do something good and helpful for other people. I've joined so many organizations trying to do what I can to make my part of the world a better place, and mostly it's just been frustrating. I'm terrible at speaking up, and I always feel like when I do speak up, it's in the wrong, or at least most ineffective, way. I've felt hurt, sad, frustrated and disappointed so many times when I've volunteered. I've profoundly wished I could be another type of person. Now I've decided to do what I'm good at, which is cooking, and showing I care by cooking for people. I can't do what I want to do right now, but I can work towards what I want. I know what I want and how to get there, I just have to stop letting myself be sidetracked. I don't feel like I have the time to squander any more, because I don't.
I hope today is as productive, in its way, as yesterday was. Time to get up and make that happen.