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Hard Week Mentally😥

Monday, July 06, 2020

It's been a rollar coaster. I feel SO alone in this putrid ASSHOLE state of NC. Southern hospitality my fat ASS! I utterly despise the people here. It's why i walk inside my house then around my campsite. I smile..i wave and say hello but all they do is make faces or stare like I'm a three headed freak or give an amused smirk. Im on that time of month so that doesn't help. I have one single good friend but im scared to get too close because in a nutshell... People = PAIN. I didn't work out for 2 days straight. I walked a mile today and lifted my 2 pound free weights plus added a rep of a new arm toning move. I'm glad of that at least. I hate being such an angry person but ot does NO FREAKING GOOD to be nice around here. The men won't even hold the door open for you if ypu aren't BLONDE!!#😡 I miss my happy positive blogs. Im sad and discouraged cause even if i ever lose the weight im still so so UGLY. Some things aren't fair.
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    emoticon emoticon Focus on what you can change right in this minute, knock that out, and keep going about your day task oriented today until you get a ton of s#@t done ✅ I channeled anger, confusion, doubt, into hacking the overgrown Ivy from the wall in my backyard. It was thick, gnarly, tangled, beyond over grown. I hacked at it and cried out all the ugly, until I got all the Ivy picked up and tossed in the garbage, it was very cathartic. I share this with you because you need to fight for mental health, for feeling good again about you! I know you can do it!
    309 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/7/2020 11:17:27 AM
    I'm very sorry the folks of NC have not made you welcome. I've lived in NC my whole life and am almost 66. Please let me try to make up for other's rudeness by saying Welcome to North Carolina!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I will admit that NC has changed a lot since people from all over the country started moving here. It used to have a small town feel and people helped their neighbors and kindness was plentiful. I have met people who moved here and love it and also people who've moved here and absolutely hate it. I have a friend from Nebraska that wants to move away, but is staying here to be near her children. I hope you either meet some kind, thoughtful people soon or are able to move away to a place you enjoy living. I can't compare NC to anywhere else because this has always been home. I love that we have seasons, as well as the mountains and ocean in driving distance, along with farmland in between.

    Please don't be so hard on yourself. I'm hard on myself, too, and always have been. I read a quote today that I copied down and am going to try to remember. "Focus on loving yourself, instead of loving the idea of others loving you." I'm always wanting to be liked and loved, but what I really need is to love myself just as I am. It's hard to do.

    I wish you all the very best and will be hoping things get better for you. emoticon emoticon
    310 days ago
    My dear, I agree w/NOCALORIES. You ARE beautiful. God created you beautifully. I am sorry you carry so much anger, but know at least that this is a safe place to vent about your feeling. Sometimes getting your feelings out helps.
    310 days ago
    Please let me be your friend. I do not need a picture of you to see your beauty. Your weight does not make you the lady God created. God created you in His image and He sees you as the idea of goodness that you are. God sees no ugliness. The word ugly is not in the Bible. Stand tall continue being active and walking. You are a lady worthy of goodness.
    310 days ago
    310 days ago
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