Managing the tiredness
Thursday, July 02, 2020
Yesterday started out really well but by the early afternoon I was too tired to follow through on plans. So I rested, skipped eating my snack and making dinner to eat pulled pork and tabouli instead, and finally got the energy up to go to the store and get some grapenuts cereal, which I love and which has lots of iron, which is good because as far as I know I'm still anemic, and skim milk. Hopefully the iron and protein will help me to have more energy.
This afternoon I'm going to my mom's house for several hours because my sister, who usually is the one who stays with Mom, is going floating on the river with her family today. I'm glad to be able to give my sister a bit of a break, she really deserves it. Frankly, though, I love my mom to pieces but she drives me crazy, so it's not going to be a restful visit. Mom has always been a very strong-willed person and she and I agree on very little, which would be ok except that she's very persistent and she takes disagreement personally. Through years of dealing with her I've learned how to distract her, sometimes, but she really is a bit of a bulldog. There's a part of me that says well, if she wants to argue that badly go ahead and argue with her, but the older I get the more I hate arguing. Mom never gets out of the house any more because she has cancer and the medication she takes makes her tired, which I sympathize with and relate to. She's told me she feels useless, which makes me sad because of course she isn't. She's just sick. So I have this complex mix of love and exasperation and sympathy for her, and also I worry because she has several health problems and I don't know how long she'll be around.
I have a friend who's mantra is "we can do hard things" and while I myself could hardly live thinking about that all the time, it does make a certain amount of sense. I can visit Mom, stick to my eating plan (mostly,) listen to my body, balance taking care of myself and taking care of others, stick to a plan to get stronger, and keep in mind my long term goals as I work towards them. I know what kind of person I want to be- strong and healthy, compassionate and considerate, wise and knowledgeable, efficient and capable. There's nothing left to do but work towards all of those things