Too Afraid to Fail

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes. YIKES! That's serious. I started taking Metformin, I lost weight, I brought my A1c to 5 (which is GREAT), my doctor was pleased. I was pleased.

Then, (you know this part, right?) I let myself have a few 'days off', then a few more. I had it all under control, so I could live a little. The pounds started coming back. I started telling myself 'today I start again', but I didn't really. The A1c went up, too. It was becoming a matter of concern.

I skipped a test. I blamed Covid for my not being able to go to the lab to get tested. Still, I finally managed to get going again. I had been eating properly and exercising for a month when the doctor informed me that yes, they are still doing labs and I had better get myself tested. I'd been doing well for a month, so I was looking forward to seeing some good news.

My A1c was 9.9 -- out of control. That's super bad. I was told to make an appointment with an endocrinologist and the earliest appointment was June 25.

That was a couple of months ago. I cried and cried, because I'm afraid I'm going to have to go on insulin. I'm afraid I'm going to have to start poking myself to test my blood sugar multiple times a day. You read about how the makers of insulin are driving up the prices and people are having to decide between paying their bills and getting their insulin. It all sounds so horrible.

What I didn't do was stop sparking. What I didn't do was give up on nutrition and exercise.

I've since spoken with my cousin, who has her doctorate in nursing and is a professor at the University of California in San Francisco. She told me that it's possible that the debilitating sickness I had mid-January, early February (Fever, sore throat, aches, complete lack of energy... was it Covid? Who knows?) could have caused a spike in my blood sugar and been part of the reason my A1c was elevated -- in addition to my poor habits before I started sparking again. Could have. Maybe.

I am looking forward to my next lab test. I am certain that it won't be so high. The endocrinologist may still decide to put me on insulin and may still require me to monitor my blood sugar, and I will do it. It's possible, though, that I won't have to go on it and it's possible that I may not have to stay on it for long if I can bring it under control through nutrition and exercise.

I've been making steady progress bringing my weight down and I have made sure that my daily net carbs are within the proper range -- on the low end most of the time.

I'm too afraid to fail.