100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 146,167

It doesn't have to be perfect

Saturday, May 09, 2020

I've read some incredible, deeply moving blogs that have sent me into my own deep thoughts and journaling today. I'm sharing just a tiny peek here. Thank you, Spark friends.

I celebrated my Sparkversary last month.
How long have I been fighting this battle? Why is my weight always a yo-yo? I gain weight rapidly. Weight is volatile. But this isn't just about pounds. It's inches. Energy vs fatigue. Hope vs defeat. Goal-focused vs apathy. Planning vs flying free. Controlled calories vs freedom from eating restrictions.
Notice my tone. Freedom vs being controlled. That mindset works against me. Why can't I see living healthy as freedom, and living without restrictions as destructive?

I found this last year. Words have power. Just the word "Thrive" appeals to me. It's vibrant and full of life.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, this one makes me feel sad.

It's true. How many times have I done that? Every time we do a challenge or a friend decides to lose weight, I determine I'm not going to be left behind this time. Just the phrase "left behind' makes me incredibly sad. I've been trying to lose weight since 2004. I should have awesome results. My friends who joined then reached their goal (or quit and went away...isn't that sad?)

Because I have so much to lose and keep adding to it, I never reach a significant weight loss, enough to feel like I've accomplished enough to matter. Most times people don't even notice. Most of my losses are 30-45 pounds, followed by periods of re-gain. I lost almost 80 pounds last year. And gained a little back this year. Why?
Why do I keep repeating behavior I don't like? Because I like to eat.
Eating should be fuel for the body. It can be pleasant times with friends and families. Should it also consume times when I am alone? What is the driving force then? It didn't used to be this way.
Sometimes I don't even know WHAT I want so I nibble my way through food that doesn't satisfy instead of making a proper meal. I've had some success stopping that behavior with intermittent fasting.

I hesitated to blog this because it makes me feel vulnerable. I'm sure there are many others in the same boat. Maybe we could encourage each other? It's ok to be less than perfect. Just don't give up.

I am living each day, making logical choices. I will string those successful days together. I will make choices that leave me without regrets. I will reach my goals, one day at a time. I will stay focused on long-term goals.
That makes me very happy.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I can relate, Annie. I keep going up and down, too, and never seem to make a firm commitment, because, like you, "I like to eat." And in my case, I like to drink, too. My usual pattern is firm resolve in the morning and clear-headedness about why I need and want to lose weight, but I seem to weaken by day's end and "forget" why I must reduce my weight. But like that tree in the barren landscape, I never give up. Hope always returns, and I really, really believe it's never too late to change. We can do this, my friend!
    94 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    94 days ago
    Boy do I hear you and identify myself with you. I've twice lost 40-50 pounds, once with WW and once with Jenny Craig and currently need to lose 100 pounds! So I know I can do it, what makes me fall apart and regain? emoticon emoticon I promised myself not to beat myself up on Mother's Day. I have 3 wonderful children whom I love dearly and they love me. One impish and delightful 2 1/2 year old granddaughter, and a spouse of 41 years who made it all possible. HAPPY MOTHER's DAY LADIES!!!
    94 days ago
    Eating healthy and making healthy food choices is hard work. There are times when I just get plain tired and sometimes lazy. I keep pushing...keep Sparking...keep reading the blogs like yours that let me know there are those who will be there when we reach out to each other. Thank you!
    94 days ago
    Count me in as someone here to help if you need it.
    95 days ago
  • KITT52
    Food has many powerful holds on our minds.
    We use or abuse food to make us feel better... less lonely. Less anxious... food never calls us names, it never judges us...
    Food makes people feel loved..
    It is easier to eat your favorite food than deal with our deep down feelings...
    Good luck.
    95 days ago
    For sure you're not the only one. And all we can do is take it a day @ a time and learn lessons.

    HUGS to you.

    95 days ago
  • MUGABI123
    Sound living!
    95 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    emoticon Just to got remember to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, and keep on the path of healthy.

    I'm also keep asking why, why, why? No reason just laziness on my part. Time to stop and keep down the journey of being healthy.
    95 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.