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jokes March review and April goals

Wednesday, April 08, 2020

March goals
.1. drink 6 glasses of water everyday - need to work on this
2. keep up my exercise streak now on day 1,035
3. -try to eat 3 different freggie a day-and at least one being a veggie - need work on this
4 lose weight I now weight. 171.4
5. .no eating in the middle of the night-
6. really take this healthy journey seriously-
7. no eating in bed -
8. connect with my teams-
April goals
.1. drink 6 glasses of water everyday - did terrible at this
2. keep up my exercise streak now on day 1,003
3. -try to eat 3 different freggie a day-and at least one being a veggie - did okay on this
4 lose weight I now weight gain 2 oz. 171.4 the same as last month at least I didn't gain
5. .no eating in the middle of the night- doing great on this
6. really take this healthy journey seriously- need to do this
7. no eating in bed - need to work on this
8. connect with my teams- did good on this

Jokes :
Diet Excuses
But the doughnut was calling my name.
But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake.
I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth from eating the so-called dish, so I had an ice cream.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
Cookie pieces contain no fat -- the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way, all the calories fall out.
Chocolate is a vegetable. How, you ask? Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
Cookie pieces contain no fat -- the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.
I DO NOT NEED TO EXERCISE BECAUSE MY FAVOURITE TV SHOW IS CELEBRITY FIT OR BIGGEST LOSER
ALREADY GET MY DAILY EXERCISE BY WALKING TO THE DONUT SHOP:-
I EXERCISE IN THE OFFICE BY SWIVELLING ON MY COMPUTER CHAIR, TYPING AND CLICKING MY MOUSE:

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him? The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head. A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately. The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
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