It is time!
Saturday, March 07, 2020
I have been primary caregiver for Gerald for over three years now. He used to be a happy guy, fun to be around for the most part. Has mild CP and developmental disability. He has been horribly betrayed by three of his siblings. They refuse to acknowledge their abuse and don't come around any more. Two of his brothers have died in the last two years, and his mom 3 1/2 years ago. Over the last maybe 9 months he has become mean, nasty, and violent. Pounds walls, yells, swears, slams doors, throws things, and hits/kicks. I have tried to be patient and let him know that remaining siblings and I love him and want to care for him and keep him in his home. Nothing has worked. Meds changed and adjusted. Going the extra mile to do things that make him happy. He continues to flip out with no warning or reason. He yells and carries on so that I get little or sometimes no sleep. I have frequent headaches and feel nauseous most of the time.
Yesterday I called to inquire about a job. Went to check it out/interview. If it is offered, I will take it. I feel guilty, like I am abandoning him and his family. I really do care about them, and know they care about me! They have said they will understand if I need to move on.
It is time for me to leave for my own mental and physical health, but it is so hard!