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jokes February goals and March review

Saturday, March 07, 2020

February goals
.1. drink 6 glasses of water everyday - did terrible at this
2. keep up my exercise streak now on day 1,003
3. -try to eat 3 different freggie a day-and at least one being a veggie - did okay on this
4 lose weight I now weight gain 2 oz. 171.4
5. .no eating in the middle of the night- doing great on this
6. really take this healthy journey seriously- need to do this
7. no eating in bed - need to work on this
8. connect with my teams- did good on this
March goals
.1. drink 6 glasses of water everyday -
2. keep up my exercise streak now on day 1,003
3. -try to eat 3 different freggie a day-and at least one being a veggie -
4 lose weight I now weight. 171.4
5. .no eating in the middle of the night-
6. really take this healthy journey seriously-
7. no eating in bed -
8. connect with my teams-

Jokes :
Funny definition
- Classic novel np. A book which people praise, but seldom read.
- Compromise n. The art of slicing a cake in such a way that everyone believes they received the biggest piece.
- Conference n. The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
- Conference room np. A place where everyone talks, no one listens, and later everyone disagrees about what was said.
- Doctor n. A person who kills your ills with pills then kills you with bills.
- Etc. abb. An abbreviation that makes others think you know more than you actually do.
- Father n. The banker that nature provides.
- Lecture n. The art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the lecturees without passing through the minds of either.
- Office n. A place where you can relax after a strenuous night at home.
- Smile n. A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

A Dictionary for Women
Argument
(ahr•gyoo•munt) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, and continues until he realizes it.

Airhead
(ayr•hed) n. An act you put on when pulled over for speeding.

Bar-be-que
(bar•buh•Q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up—for the dinner he made for his friends."

Blonde jokes
(blahnd joks) n. Jokes short enough for men to understand.

Cantaloupe
(kant•e•lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer
(kloze drI•yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet soda
(dI•it so•duh) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Diamond
(dI-mun) n. Something you think should be on your finger but he can only see in a baseball park.

Eternity
(e•ter•ni•tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

o DIET RULES FOR CHEATERS

• If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
• If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
• When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
• Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
• If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
• Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

- • Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
- • Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.

- • Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.
NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

- • Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and popsicles.




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