Ok, but not great
Wednesday, March 04, 2020
Blah day. Nothing especially wrong just blahs. I am tempted to eat away the boredom & blahs but I am not going backwards. I can't.
I want to be great & better & awesome at everything but sometimes you just get the blahs. I am going for a walk later, I am meeting my good friend later. I will make & eat a healthy dinner and it will be ok.
Sometimes you just have to walk through the blahs while staying the course. And it's hard. Not gonna lie. I want to eat junk & hibernate, but I have goals. I have so many reasons to get healthier. I don't want to hate my behaviors afterwards.
I almost said hate myself, but that's not true. I never hate myself after I overeat. Overeating has always been about trying to take care of myself. Trying to feel better when things just don't go right. Getting a self provided mood boost when there is no one else to cheer me up. Food did it.
It was the fastest, cheapest, most efficient way to be temporarily happier.
But I don't want to be so temporarily happy any more. I want to be chronically happy. I won't demonize food as the villain in my life. It has been a source of friendly connections & joy & fun. The way I have used food hasn't been the healthiest and I am making a better relationship with it. It's been a handy crutch, but I need to learn to walk more steady without it.
So today I'm just going to sit with the blahs. I am going to eat well, exercise, socialize & try to be chronically happier without my crutch.