Starting Anew is Hard to Do Part II
Monday, March 02, 2020
Starting out again, weak as a kitten and 3 years older, is very difficult. I should have dragged myself around and pushed myself in spite of the way I feel.
Before the 2020 5% Winter Challenge I began to push myself toward my goal of 120 minutes of deliberate activity a day. I am still at the point where I have to do low-level activity compared to the workout I was doing in 2017. That is dispiriting in itself, but when I look in the mirror I am so unhappy about the health and ability I have lost.
II have found that the more times I lose weight and gain weight back, the harder it is to lose and the easier it is to gain it back again. Having been overweight for 25 years has apparently raised my "acceptance point" for weight gain. I used to have a strict "stopping point" or intolerance for weight gain. 135 was the weight at which I felt the best and I didn't allow but a pound or two above that. I gained to 160 in both of my pregnancies and lost back to 130 and 135, respectively, in about a month each time. Bravo metabolism! So sad to see you go.
Over the years I stopped worrying so much about it and have become more tolerant of my weight. Not to blame it on anyone but me, but I started to watch "Roseanne" in the mid-90s and she and Dan were both heavy but so affable and everyone loved them, and I began to also.. The first time I watched it, I was appalled at their size (forgive me) but it grew on me. That is the exact time I "lost" my strict weight control. Couple that with a major breakout of something called Lichen Planus that spread all over me and itched like poison ivy for 8 months, itched for another year during which I quit smoking and voila! up to 203. Every time I reached a new level it was easier to get there again.I need to reset that, I think, or nothing will last.
My attitude must change.
I still remember what 130 feels like, and I miss it. Now I feel like I am dragging around 55 pounds of lard. I know I'm older now, but my life would certainly be different even at this age if this excess weight were gone. My lung doctor told me my breathing would even improve if I lose this.
I am trying.
Please pray for me as I am Praying for all of those I know of who are ill or going through hard times.