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I am still lurking here

Saturday, February 15, 2020

It's funny how I've been a part of Sparkpeople for such a very long time. I do come on here most days and read my "friends" blogs and updates. I haven't written anything myself for over 2 years. I don't even know what to say anymore. I currently weigh about 12 pounds over my current goal and about 15 pounds over the "after" pictures on my profile page. It's not the most I've weighed and even though I am not thrilled with it I can't say that I'm miserable about it either. As always, it is more my behavior and preoccupation with food and weight that steals the moments of joy from my life. It it ALWAYS on my mind - - my body size and my food consumption. Yesterday we went to my in-laws for lunch. While I did enjoy the conversation I also gorged myself on the chocolate goodies that were on the table. We don't keep those things in the house so I found myself eating WAY too much just because I didn't know when I'd get to eat that kind of stuff again. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I KNOW that is ridiculous thinking. I am 53....I have been struggling with eating issues since I was 14. I can buy chocolate whenever I want. I am a grown up. So WHY do I still do this? Really these are rhetorical questions. My life is about to undergo a huge change. My husband is retiring and we are moving from Southern California to Coeur d'Alene Idaho (in April). We bought a new house and are selling a house here that I love very much. While it is exciting and I am CHOOSING to do this I have a huge amount of sadness for leaving my friends here. On a positive note, I am consciously trying to drink less and for the first time in decades I have succeeded. So the focus is eating/overeating once again. Not sure really why I'm blogging about this. My life is good. I want to be happy. I think I'm just afraid of leaving everything I know.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks for a very superb post. I look forward to your next posts.

    161 days ago
    Hey girlfriend! I know that leaving is tough. I left my hometown in 2002 when I was 41 years old, and wow that was rough! But it turned out alright.
    The only thing I can tell you about your pre-occupation with weight and food, is that it has some serious momentum behind it. It's not as if you can just drop it and forget about it when you have trained yourself into thinking about it several times a day for years and years and years.
    In around Feb 2017, I discovered Abraham Hicks on YouTube and started listening to the talks (of a spiritual nature with real practicalities for living on earth!) and it changed my life in ways that I can describe but it would take a long, long time. SO! If you really want happiness and to stop obsessing about your weight and food, I would highly recommend listening to some Abraham Hicks talks on the subject of food, or weight loss or health or obsessing over things. Pretty much anything will help you go from where you are now to a place where you'd rather be (in your head and with your life). If you need guidance or have questions, hit me up!
    170 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/16/2020 10:54:30 PM
    Well, I'm glad you did blog - It sounded like a wonderful gush of thought/emotion/vent without anything unkind being said - even about you.

    Of course the huge changes up ahead are going to make you nervous. What made you decide to relocate? Do you have family in Idaho? Friends? Has this always been a dream of you or DH or you both? And then - there's the retirement thing. Whooee - I've been wending my way through that forest for almost 3 years now. It's been fun but it's been hard and it's really the best job I ever had.

    I know about the food obsession thing. I'm almost comfortable with it - almost but not quite. But till you've made the shift and for some little time afterwards, I'd cut you some slack, as you find your new normal.

    and remember - you'll be taking your spark friends along with you. emoticon
    170 days ago
    I can understand why that big a change would come with some mixed emotions even though you chose it. Re the inlaws - I don't know about you, but at family get-togethers with big meals I never seem to be able to control my eating, no matter how good I am at doing it in daily life. I don't know if it's the underlying tensions or if I'm reverting back to teenage binge-eating me or what, but those meals just never go the way I planned.

    Is your banner pic by any chance where you're going in Idaho?
    171 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/15/2020 7:17:13 PM
  • ALICIA363
    Good to hear from you!
    171 days ago
    Glad you're still here and wish you the best with the upcoming changes.

    emoticon Congratulations on your success with drinking less and good to hear that you're happy. emoticon
    171 days ago
    Good luck.
    171 days ago
    Thanks for sharing
    171 days ago
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