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Torpor

Friday, February 07, 2020

For the whole week, I have been laid up on the futon, fatigued to the point that sometimes I didn't even get up to walk BLD. Poor spud had to make other arrangements, and pooped on his pee pads. He's tidy like that, but it's unfair to the needlenose to not take him out to sniff leaves and bark at air molecules. I didn't even want to lie in my bed, just marinating in funk on the futon.

Then today, like a storm blowing over, I found my feet again. Took BLD for a deluxe walk, did laundry for the coming weekend's work, went to the grocery store twice, fixed a really good meal, did a deep clean on myself, and now I am working on finishing the coursework for an online class I am taking.

I've done this before, but I don't know why I do it. I'll have a burst of energy and focus, sustain it for a while, then have a sort of crashy time. But it's not sad, or feeling depressed. It's just, my body and brain say, "Okay, done now." I'll keep the home fires burning just enough for BLD and me to eke by for a few days, then my head clears and I'm back to taking care of everything.

I managed not to eat badly, mainly because the food that was available was healthy for the most part. Lots of yogurt and nuts, sandwiches with lean meat, and soymilk. One night we splurged on pizza delivery. And, of course, everything got logged because I promised myself I could eat whatever I wanted, as long as I entered it into the tracker.

Losing weight is going to be a long haul effort. I know that I will have times when the energy is high, and others when it just isn't there. Even if it's just an inch, I will be able to keep moving forward.
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