MICHELEMCP
5,500-6,999 SparkPoints 6,434
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Danger Zone

Tuesday, February 04, 2020

I find myself in a weird frame of mind. I've made progress. I've gotten positive feedback from the scale, my clothes and some of my coworkers. So when I should be feeling really good, instead I feel two strong conflicting emotions.

One is frustration. I try on smaller clothes in my closet that still are nowhere near fitting. I used to fit in them. Then I realize I am still not at the heaviest weight I was when I started Spark 7 years ago. I am within 2 pounds. But then I will have another 30 pounds to lose just to get the lowest weight I achieved on spark....which was stlll over 200! Mentally, I know I've done well. I've repeated the "It's a lifestyle change- it's a marathon, not a sprint - you didn't put it on overnight, it won't come off that way" mantras. But I still find myself feeling blue.

The other emotion is fear of relaxing. Because when I am not dwelling on the frustration, and I am walking better, doing more things, getting a compliment here or there, and the pants feel a little looser, those "Hey, you are doing well, you can have a bite of._________ (fill in the blank with something I shouldn't have) urges hit. I forget what I look like in the mirror - the ultimate teller of truths, and feel like I've already accomplished what I wanted. I haven't.

I am fighting the two devils on my shoulders right now. I am winning, but I just don't want to backslide. I found a picture of me at a Christmas event in 2018. I HATE the picture. But today, it was enough to keep me on track.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KOFFEENUT
    Our BRAINS are the most difficult muscle to train, and the most critical! Sometimes I have to focus on what I CAN do now that I couldn't before in order to stay encouraged. Then in order to stay motivated I have to remind myself of the other things I still WANT to be able to do that will require more work on my part. Walking between encouraging and motivating can be a tightrope!
    463 days ago
  • RORYLYONS
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    464 days ago
  • no profile photo CD25098484
    I have that devil too. I need to move more as I have slacked off myself. We can do this together.
    464 days ago
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