ding Jam Weekend
Monday, January 20, 2020
On Friday I kicked off my bachelorette/Pre-Wedding Jam Weekend with tears as I stood alone in my living room adjusting my floral & gold tiara that reads 'bride to be'. I felt let down and was saddened that those whom I called friends weren't there, surrounding me and helping me adjust things just so. Saddened that they hadn't been calling me to make sure everything was on track and set for the big day, or any of the events leading up to it. Sure, some had offered help and even told me to reach out of I needed assistance but that's a formality that even customer service workers issue, it is not an expression of genuine enthusiasm or care. I felt let down.
So I cried.
Earlier that day I had allowed myself to fully feel those same sentiments and more. I had been bottling up my emotions, compacting then as I stuffed more and more into the ever tightening vessel that some may call heart or soul until I just stopped, square in my tracks before work Friday morning; I put down my keys and purse down; I closed the door and headed back into the seating area because in the moments leading up to me stepping out the door I felt the pressure of tears welling up inside and a little voice but of my inner child cried, ' when do I ever get the right to just feel...if not now then when... don't I deserve the right to express how I'm really feeling...haven't taken the backseat long enough'. I was floored.
This time, unlike so many others, I not only listened to myself but I responded. I gave in, I did what was legitimately right for me in that moment and at that time. And when I had allowed myself to REALLY feel alllll of the things that I'd been feeling, not only did I feel better but I got better. My head was cleared and I felt validated, seriously.
Back to Friday evening: I called my fiance. Over tears and 'blubbering', I told him how crappy I felt and the reasons for it. He offered some comforting words which reassured me of his growth and that I am making the right decision in marrying him. :)
That night, some people showed up at the venue I selected. One woman, in particular, stood out. She'd come with my brother and she'd just lost her mother that day. It was her that insisted on buying me a drink, we clinked to celebrating life and love.
After sometime I joined her and the others on the dance floor. As I watched her dance and glide around I tried to shake myself into grasping all the loveliness of that moment:, my cousin, brother, my dear friend and her friend as well as my brothers companion came out to celebrate with me. Anyone watching would have no idea what any one of us was going through. As I danced I realized how magical that night and all moments are. In that moment she grieved for her mother, celebrated her life, and still had room enough to offer joy to me. And if that isn't worth celebrating then I don't know what is!
We went on to have a marvelous night at karaoke on Saturday which was after me hosting Spa time earlier in the day and letting people know how disappointed I was in them and their behavior (re: the above mentioned things). It was great, there was an outpour of apologies and we all had a smashing time. Everyone really stepped their game up.
Sunday was Boozy Brunch with my mom, cousin, and best friend. Lots of laughs and recaps of the days before. Good food, great pics, and lots of love. So wonderful. :)
This weekend was cathartic, spiritual, and eye-opening. And fun!!!, Cant forget how fun it was. :)
I've always been an out of the box thinker and doer. Im so happy and grateful that my Pre-Wedding Jam was on par.
Thanks for reading.