A week from Friday I have a whole day of medical tests. I am torn on whether I want them to find anything or not. Clearly I'd rather them NOT find that I have cancer again but if they come back and everything is "normal" then I'm not sure where that leaves me in terms of my daily health.
At this point all I can do is control what I can control and then see what happens.
Best I can describe today is - heavy. I feel heavy like I'm operating in a higher gravity field. It is to a slighter degree what I felt like when I was in chemo. There are some other things going on with nausea and dizziness but I thought it was all side effect related so I've been just sort of toughing it out. My oncologist does not think this should be happening so the tests.
I started feeling off last night but it was a low-key football watching evening so it was ok. Then this morning I woke up well after the hubs had gone to work. He gets up at 5:00 and I try to at least be up before he leaves because it just seems like a nicer way to start the day and then I can get an early start on my dream life of running my little accounting empire.
I could not force myself out of bed until 9:00 which is crazy late for me. I don't set an alarm (that was my gift to me when I left my old toxic life). He always resets the coffee pot timer when he leaves and it was off. I only got up because I was dreaming that we were staying at a house that had no bathroom and woke up having to pee.
Then having such an awesome start to the morning meant that I was already feeling a little sick from not eating anything. I get in these cycles where I can't eat but I also know I will not feel better until I eat so I have that going for me.
Well after I choked down a cereal bar and a cup of reheated coffee, I sat at my desk and just stared at my computer screen watching the work pile up. This is good news, absolutely it is. I've been closing lately on a few clients that were a bit on the fence - tax season no doubt.
I just couldn't deal with it. Well part of my new adapted flylady plan is to keep a swim bag ready to go all the time. Before I could come to my senses, I grabbed it and went to the Y. Sometimes that works. I get there and smell the chlorine and start getting jazzed up. If I can get in the water and just do a little swimming I find that I just feel a lot better.
Maybe this morning, part of the problem was sleeping too long and just being in a fog. I'm still not 100% but the hubs is working late tonight so I'm going to spend some extra time with the dog and my lizards in my study doing a bit of catch-up and organizing work.
and try not to think about the medical tests
On the flylady front I'm going to add the swish and swipe or whatever she's calling the quick bathroom cleanup.
Her plan: keep cleaning supplies in the bathroom. When you finish getting ready in the morning, spray down the mirrors, sink, fixtures, and counter and quickly wipe them all down. Then she lost me with talk of a toilet brush and old shampoo but she's also giving the toilet a quick swish with a brush every morning. Then spray down the toilet and wipe it down with that same rag you used on the counter.
She says that it only takes a minute with the caveat that the cleaning supplies are all stored in the bathroom.
I don't want to keep cleaning supplies in the bathrooms. We only have two and there are only two of us living here plus this isn't the WhiteHouse or anything so the closet where cleaning supplies are kept is just down the hall. I betcha I could keep a bucket at the ready with these items in them and then do the same cleaning process.
I feel like I've failed a bit at adulting over the years because I didn't realize that you were supposed to clean the bathroom every day. I bet it looks better in there without toothpaste dried on the mirror though.
oh hell no there will be no "before" pictures of the bathroom