Tired of Thinking About Food.
Friday, January 10, 2020
Since Dec 6, my life revolves around food. I track it, I read labels, I plan, I think about all the diets I’ve been on, of the cravings I have, my whole life dealing with FOOD, people’s reactions to me, my out of whack body image when I was a teen, my next weigh-in, my next doctor appointment. It’s taken over my life. Today I wrote a list of all the food topics I need to write about, just to get them out of my head.
Before Dec 6, when purposely ignored my prematurely aging knees and hips, my appearance, my lack of fitness, my health, I only thought about food one way: “I won’t eat those chips tomorrow. I don’t even feel good when I eat them.” And the next day, I’d eat the same thing, and say the same thing and change nothing. (More on chips at a later date – it’s on my write about list)
I don’t know if my obsession is typical for someone trying to live a healthier life. I do know that Spark Tracking helps me to stay focused. There is something so successful about tracking and keeping to my calorie and carb limit. Still have a lot of work to do on protein and fat, but little steps.
I’ve been on tons of diets (probably like most everyone), but the tracking of the actual food – not just points, preplanned meals, etc., is good for me. I lost almost 40 lbs on Spark about 6 years ago. Then my dad had a health crisis and I just fell back on my stress/comfort eating habits and gained it ALL back, and, as they always warn you, a little extra. Stopped weighing, stopped tracking, stopped walking. I should have gotten back on track, but I had plateaued about that same time, not having lost weight for a few weeks prior, and I just flat out crashed and burned.
On December 6, I weighed in at the doctor’s at 283 lbs, 20lbs higher than when I started Spark the previous time. I knew it would be high. I had weighed a few times previously at close to 280. I was so resigned to the “this is just how I am and I am just going to be happy with that” mindset, I didn’t even take off my clodhopper boots to do the weigh-in. I mean, who doesn’t take off their shoes on a weigh-in?
So at that appointment, I learned my A1C had crossed into pre-diabetes, and because of my risk factors, the doctor said it was time for medication unless I was SERIOUS about making changes. I got serious pretty quick.
Back to my obsession. I would love to let go of all the negative food thoughts. My storied diet past, my self-image crises, my disappointment in my backsliding. I like thinking about the other stuff…entering meals in advance, what am I going to eat today, when am I going to walk. I think that’s pretty good for 30 days of being back on track. But I don’t want all the negativity constantly invading my sleep – at my menopausal age, it’s difficult to get 3 straight hours in a row as it is, let alone with thoughts of all things diet-related crowding my brain. Hopefully putting all the things on a list I want to write will banish it from my beauty sleep.