Right down memory lane...
Wednesday, January 08, 2020
Reading through my old blogs is weird.
Like so many of us, I've been up and down and now I'm restarting. New year/new me and all that. Only, as I run through my SparkPage and revisit my old teams and friends, I remember that I know the way. I've been here before, and this is not a new me, but the old one. The years in between were just a blip.
Not just a blip, either. A lot of things have happened, with hormones and carrying twins as a surrogate and a new house and college classes.
Re-dedication is an important time to examine my patterns and history and how I got here so I can get rid of the self-destructive things and keep the good. I can now see that somewhere in my brain, I equate being a good mom and partner with being there all the time. My family doesn't ask me for that, and it winds up harming them more than helping. My daughter (15) would be well served by putting together dinners and helping with the house more. I was leaner and more active when my partner and I got together, and that is the version of me he deserves. I had such high hopes about adopting his more active lifestyle and healthy eating choices, and instead I dragged him down to mine.
The last time I was taking good care of my health was just after my divorce, when I had all sorts of solo time, and it is proving difficult to carve out the time for myself these days. I'm older now, and the time is shorter and courses harder to change.
I used to think I could train up to a half marathon. I'm going to roll that over in my head for a few days and see what happens. I hope this marks a moment of swerve down a different path.