Sunday, December 29, 2019
My reality is that I have never, and will never have a home life that is conducive to putting myself first. I have to make it happen, and with that being said. It makes me look around. I have a husband who doesn't hold my hand when we go shopping, he walks far behind me. he doesn't even look at things with me. I wonder why he even tags along. I feel he is ashamed of me. Instead of harboring that feeling... its swept under the rug, and I'm using it to fuel my motivation. Honestly, if he is that shallow after all these years together, then so be it. He isn't skinny, or healthy, he doesn't "eat right and work out".. how he can judge me so blatantly has me a little pissed off. We do not do anything together, nothing lovingly, and certainly nothing under them covers.
so while I feel like my weight gain is causing my marriage to fall apart, I also feel like.... I am still me. I can lose the weight, but he will continue to be a shady little punk.
I could go on for a while, but I'll close this here. I am facing a real truth right now. Oh, well. I know I am a good person, a great wife, and I am a beautiful 44yr old woman!!
Tomorrow is day 1 !! *oh and I cant talk to him about how I think or feel because I am crazy, and he is perfectly fine*
Love to all