Saturday, July 21, 2007
I'm so disgusted with myself. I'm to the point that I'm ready to give up (again). It seems that everytime I try to lose weight, I do really well in the beginning and then something happens to through me off track. This time it has been my depression. I've been having to many pity parties. Why bother. No one ever notices. I have not support here. No one to encourage me or help me when I get down. I feel like all I ever do anymore is complain and whine. I would not come around me either if I could help it but unfortunately, I'm stuck with me.
I get up every day and go to work. Three days a week I work a second job. The days that I don't work my second job, I just go home and have a pity party because I have nothing else to do. I have tried talking to some of my friends and my daughter but they just don't understand. I don't think anyone really understands how I feel and I can't explain it to them. They keep telling me to get over it or that I need to get out and meet people. It's not that easy for me to meet people. For starters, there is no where in the town I live in to meet people other than bars and clubs - that is not an option for me. I stay as active as possible in church but our church is small and we really don't have that much going on. I don't have computer access at nights and weekends if I'm not working. I can't afford to go back to school, join clubs, or anything like that. I work two job to pay my bills and barely make ends meet. I just don't know what to do.
Sometimes I think that if I died, no one would notice. I miss my mother and sisters and at times wish it was me that died instead of anyone of them but it wasn't which means God is not finished with me yet. He still has a plan for me, I just need to focus more on Him and less on me. Okay, pity party over for today. It is time to get back to work.
FROG (Fully Rely On God)
PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens)
TGIF (Thank God I'm Forgiven)
I know tomorrow will be a better day.