Thanksgiving that almost was not.
Sunday, December 01, 2019
I did not want to have Thanksgiving this year and I had almost made up mind to treat the day like any other..I mean why not? I live a life of thanks-giving..My husband with his dementia hardly knows that it is a special day..his days run into each other and they all feel the same. Me with my Fibro and in pain, I did not feel like cooking and with my husband not eating much anymore. I just really did not see the point.
My son who lives close by in a small town, he has depression and bipolar. He had no desire to come by and he tells me ..He does not even like turkey..(after all these years) of having turkey. My daughter who lives in town with her three children was cooking and left an open invitation for us to come by..I knew that we could go and I also knew my husband would go and not eat and would just want to lay down...so..we did not go..But now what to fix..Hamburgers? I did not have a clue really. I don't have much of an appetite either...so I just sort of let the days pass and not really think about them.. I do love turkey sandwiches though and I knew I would miss that..but cooking a bigh turkey for the two of us..and so sides just seemed like to much effort.
My depression and pain are worse on cold and dreary days...so it is easy to talk myself out of things...it is easy to give in to the feelings and the pain and let them take over...even so looking at my life and the many things i face on a daily basis..I am still very blessed.. I have a warm house..I have a comfy bed..a God that loves me..and great friends..I have learned a lot about myself this year. Came to terms with a lot things in my life and made peace with my past...I have come to learn that life is a journey..each day is a new day with new mercies and new blessings and yes even challenges..and it is in those challenges where I learn to grow as a person..to become a better version of myself..That I can be proud of..not needing anyone else to accept me...God accepts me and I am learning to accept every part of me..the good and the not so good..
Anyway someone brought me a turkey and just said they wanted to bless us..So here I was..with gift from the someone's heart..so I decided I would cook the turkey and make a small dinner to go with it...(Healthy sides) and one sweet potato pie...it was difficult and we got through with the cooking and the cleaning up...My husband even ate a small plate which was new for him. The most I had seen him eat in a long time..That evening as we sat down in the living room, I looked at him and he seemed to be in a far away place. Where he goes is anyone's guess.. I knew I had made the right choice to fix Thanksgiving dinner..no one knows how many more years we have together and he may not remember this day but I will...after all..