Sunday, December 01, 2019
Physically yes a little but I’m tired of pretending and competing. I have been doing StepBets. Actually got to within 4 days of a pretty six figure jackpot and fell asleep in my chair at night 114 steps short for the day. I had already used my rest day doing the same thing the night before. Who falls asleep at 6:00 at night and don’t wake up to go to the bathroom till 12:02. To late. I am always trying to compete with myself. I’ve done step bet before but I’m not doing it again. I felt awful that night. To make my days I would walk around the house at night to get the last 1500 steps. I was just competing with myself. I’m not that person anymore I’m tired.
I’m tired of pretending I can do it all. To fall asleep eating. That is bad. I do that. I have to have everything just so. Not perfect I’m definitely not ocd. Just can’t ask for help cause I’m to particular. I’ve become my grandmother. Starting last Thursday, Thanksgiving Day I stopped. If it’s not ok I don’t care.
I’m tired of being peace maker. I’m tired of going the extra mile for others who really don’t care. I don’t know if I’m trying to win approval. I’m done.
You have gotten this far and actually read all of this rant I will tell you what I’m not tired of. Helping others that do appreciate me. Helping others who don’t even know I did anything for them. Looking at the faces of the little ones who deserve better and I can do what I can to make it better.
I’m not tired of knowing that there are more good people out there than bad. Brave people and really helpful people with feelings.
I not tired of getting up every day and helping others who actually want the help. Teaching others to be positive and good. When I think I have it bad I am reminded some place somewhere there is someone with something wrong much worse then I am going through. I have so much to be thankful for. 🤗🐾👣