80,000-99,999 SparkPoints 80,375

It's been a minute

Saturday, November 30, 2019

I'm one of those people who likes to be behind the scenes more. I tend not to share a lot about myself, rarely post pictures, engage in challenges but don't publicly post things. I'd love to say that will change in 2020 - but unlikely since I'm incredibly shy and private.

However, I can type my feelings quite easily. I can share through words. I've lost and regained, lost and regained the same 25 pounds over and over. I want to lose them and never have them back again.

So much has happened since I last made a blog entry. I've lost two beloved pets and each shattered my heart. The last one was less than a month ago. His loss hit me harder than I expected and it was so sudden. We made the decision to let him go because there was no hope for recovery. And honestly - I literally felt my heart crack and crumble. Nearly 2 years ago, I lost my father-in-law. When I was 18, I lost my mother (I'm 51 now). Holidays are hard because she isn't here. My mom and my FIL died in January. Christmas was her favorite time of year. So losing Floyd, my ball python, and then heading into the holidays has been the hardest thing for me. His death has brought up all the old wounds and feelings.

I'm an emotional eater and that isn't good for so many reasons. Growing up food was love. If we had a great day, we got a cookie. If we were sick, hurt, sad, we got a cookie. Food doesn't provide me the comfort or love it used to. I mostly feel numb to it right now. But I still turn back and look for that comfort, that actual feeling.

So here I am again in November thinking to myself I can't keep going like this. I'm 51, it gets harder and harder to live this way each year. It's also harder to lose weight as you get older. My hubby thinks if I just lose 50 lbs it's enough. Ultimately I'd like to lose about 75. But for now, I'm shooting for 10lbs a month. That's reasonable and doable.

I'm back at WW and will try to be a little more engaged on here.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Losing our pets can be extremely traumatic. I am sorry for your loss. And I can relate to the whole “food is love” concept. I too grew up with that pattern. It’s hard to move into food as fuel mindset!
    417 days ago
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