Patience and More Patience

Friday, November 08, 2019

I had been doing really well on WW for almost three months, losing 17 pounds and feeling better and better about myself, the plan and life in general.  The future looked bright and full of promise because I was sticking to a plan for the first time since 1989 and the weight was coming off slowly but surely week after week.  Then, my mother passed away a month ago and I lost it while claiming every day since that I was getting right back on the plan. 

Some days I have been picture perfect and other days I have been anything but.  Every week since then, I’ve shown a gain in weight.  This week will be no exception, having had four on plan days and three off plan days. I’m frustrated with myself and yet the days I choose to comfort myself with food seem so natural and necessary.  Then, I’m mad at myself all over again and I bear down harder on compliance demands. 

How long, Lord, how long, is the way it feels sometimes as I try to manage the mechanics of the WW Plan, the emotions that are left raw from grief, the ugliness of some family members who are acting out around the death and Memorial Service, and life in general. I am still very committed intellectually to the WW Plan, one of the best plans I’ve ever followed, but as the old Motown hit says, you can't hurry love and I guess you can't hurry weight loss, either. Especially in the middle of a violent storm.

What are my options?

1. Go back to the way I was. Good plan if I want to wake up one year from today and still be trying to lose all the weight I'm trying to lose now plus some other ungodly amount that has joined my fat cells whilst I've been staunching defending my right to be who I am, do what I want and eat what I like because it “feels so good.”

2. Keep on waking up and figuring out ways to succeed and choosing that. It's easy to plan to fail -- you just give in -- but planning to succeed takes a little more effort, so it has to be conscious, intentional and consistent.

3. Change my expectations. Weight loss takes a long time. Even if I am scrupulously following my plan (which admittedly is a rare occurrence these days), it still takes as long as it takes. It takes time to grieve and it takes time to lose weight.  They both take as long as they take.

My advice to myself: stop fighting the laws of mother, human and my own nature, and just keep on doing the best you can.

This pep talk brought to you by the continuing need to hear it myself.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    10 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    emoticon Be kind and gentle with yourself.
    10 days ago
    Yes, blogging is for ourselves for sure to figure out what we are thinking and feeling.

    If your mother was a source of loving comfort in your life -- as most mothers are -- then you have lost that comfort. And she may have expressed her loving comfort through food.

    Understandably you need comfort. You need self care.

    But but but but: eating too much food does not feel comforting. It's a very uncomfortable sensation to be over full.

    Eating whenever you are hungry is really self-comforting.

    Eating the very best food with the most nutrients possible is really self-comforting.

    Stopping eating when you are just about full is really self-comforting.

    Gentle movement is really self-comforting.

    Please be kind to yourself. Losing our mothers is one of the most painful experiences we go through. And learning to mother ourselves with self-comforting and kindness is one of the most powerful experiences we can have in the quest to heal some of that pain and grief.
    11 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    I’m sorry for your loss. That’s a great pep talk you’ve given yourself.
    11 days ago
    I'm glad that you're being (mostly) gentle with yourself.

    Grieving is an animal all of it's own... the loss of my FIL two years ago last month still catches me off guard and, while I miss him so very much, it's "family members who are acting out around the death" that continues to be the real problem. My own grief I can manage constructively (mostly). It's the on-going drama of everyone else's that truly messes with my emotional and daily equilibrium. My heart goes out to you.

    Your advice to yourself (and to anyone who chooses to hear it) is spot on: breathe... moment by moment, if necessary; and keep doing the best you can (moment by moment, if necessary).

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    12 days ago
    Keeping on sounds like your best bet!
    12 days ago
    You suffered a horrible loss. Dont beat yourself up. Be patient. It takes time to lose weight. One day at a time. Just dont give up.
    12 days ago
  • no profile photo INCH_BY_INCH
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    12 days ago
    It does take time to grieve and it does take time to lose weight. Be patient. Trust the process and do what you can each day to make some healthy choices.i am sorry for your loss.
    12 days ago
    Wtg! Keep losing👏👏
    12 days ago
    I understand this all too well. Lots of loss in my life has affected my thinking. Just keep moving in the right direction, even with baby steps.
    12 days ago
  • no profile photo CHAYOR73
    You've said it so well!! Don't give up!! Patience, patience and more patience!! Sorry about your mom. emoticon
    12 days ago
    Rule #1: be kind to yourself.

    I've been through a similar experience with my "drug / number of choice" (a.k.a. food) since the loss of my brother in July. Some good days but more rebellious ones. But a time comes when we're ready, and I am confident that you know well the impact of grief and to cut yourself some slack. Take care of you.

    12 days ago
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