Patience and More Patience
Friday, November 08, 2019
I had been doing really well on WW for almost three months, losing 17 pounds and feeling better and better about myself, the plan and life in general. The future looked bright and full of promise because I was sticking to a plan for the first time since 1989 and the weight was coming off slowly but surely week after week. Then, my mother passed away a month ago and I lost it while claiming every day since that I was getting right back on the plan.
Some days I have been picture perfect and other days I have been anything but. Every week since then, I’ve shown a gain in weight. This week will be no exception, having had four on plan days and three off plan days. I’m frustrated with myself and yet the days I choose to comfort myself with food seem so natural and necessary. Then, I’m mad at myself all over again and I bear down harder on compliance demands.
How long, Lord, how long, is the way it feels sometimes as I try to manage the mechanics of the WW Plan, the emotions that are left raw from grief, the ugliness of some family members who are acting out around the death and Memorial Service, and life in general. I am still very committed intellectually to the WW Plan, one of the best plans I’ve ever followed, but as the old Motown hit says, you can't hurry love and I guess you can't hurry weight loss, either. Especially in the middle of a violent storm.
What are my options?
1. Go back to the way I was. Good plan if I want to wake up one year from today and still be trying to lose all the weight I'm trying to lose now plus some other ungodly amount that has joined my fat cells whilst I've been staunching defending my right to be who I am, do what I want and eat what I like because it “feels so good.”
2. Keep on waking up and figuring out ways to succeed and choosing that. It's easy to plan to fail -- you just give in -- but planning to succeed takes a little more effort, so it has to be conscious, intentional and consistent.
3. Change my expectations. Weight loss takes a long time. Even if I am scrupulously following my plan (which admittedly is a rare occurrence these days), it still takes as long as it takes. It takes time to grieve and it takes time to lose weight. They both take as long as they take.
My advice to myself: stop fighting the laws of mother, human and my own nature, and just keep on doing the best you can.
This pep talk brought to you by the continuing need to hear it myself.