Friday, November 08, 2019
I am writing this from a place of deep heartache. Maybe, in part, it will bring a hint of peace to my troubled thoughts. Somehow it is easier to share with strangers what I can not share with those closest to me.
I will have been married 16 years next week. We have 3 beautiful children. I am no longer "good enough" for my husband. Over the last 10 years I have slowly gained about 20 pounds. He asked me 5 months ago to work on losing it. I have been trying. I started eating differently and joined the gym but I have struggled to lose it. I did however start to feel better and have more energy. But that is not good enough for him. He has found other "interests" and I'm losing hope that my life will ever go back to what it was. Now I am looking at what I want it to become.
Though I could easily think that if I lose that 20 pounds quickly I'll win him back. But I'm sure it would not have the outcome I desire. I keep reminding myself to focus on "feeling better" not the number on the scale. It's a daily decision I have to make. Am I still discouraged about the weight -- absolutely. But I am determined not to let that take over my life. God has a plan for my life and while He works I will focus on what I can change.