CROUCHINGFLEA
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Sunday Morning Ramblings, LOL

Sunday, November 03, 2019



My anxiety and migraines have kept me from staying through a full service at church. Today there is a new worship leader for the worship band and the other leaders wont' be there to coach him through set-up and take-down of the equipment. So I'm going to do my best to use my breathing and 5 senses grounding technique to help me through the whole thing so I can help DH along with this new guy and maybe the kids will help too. My social anxiety and feelings of claustrophobia being so far from the entrance/exit where we sit has been really bad. Just going shopping is difficult now, and I think it is because I can't drive so have not gotten out much at all over the last several months. I can't wait to see my new neurologist and see if he will allow me to drive. DH said he will buy me a new car once I'm okayed to drive (new to me, not brand new)!! I'm so excited! I don't know what I want, but I want something with some zip for driving through this awful traffic so I can get out of bad situations if I need to. Definitely a Honda. Probably a hatchback or SUV.



I'm not going to quit on myself. I'm making small changes, step by step, and trying to not only get in my exercise and nutrition for weight loss, but my other self-care things to help with my mental health as well. I bought some bath bombs and nail polish (rose gold holographic glitter, it gets here around the 6th, I'll post pictures once I use it!) for my reward for losing my first full 5 pounds. Now to make sure it stays off and lose the next 5!! I'm learning that if I don't take care of me, I'll not want to do the things that help me feel better, like exercise. I've given up and quit in the past, but never again. I'm worth the effort, and my family is worth having me in my best condition. I've got so many health things going on right now, I need to be working on keeping me as healthy as I can. And I will!!




I've been awake since midnight. Don't know what woke me, but spent the next two hours trying to go to sleep. Finally gave up. I'm going to go take my shower to warm up (it is cold in this office for some reason, may need to get the space heater in here!!). Today I plan on taking it mostly easy. We didn't have planning day yesterday, but had a great time celebrating Aunt G at the in-laws house. So planning day after lunch and then I'm going to slip on some earbuds and listen to the next Ruth Soukup podcast and walk on the treadmill, then get my pilates and Yoga in. Will probably get a walk in outside as well to walk Pickles, he's put on some weight and needs exercise!! Going to take it easy and not rush. Probably make some homemade tortillas to go with the posole that is in the fridge for dinner. And going to use a bath bomb and soak in the tub after exercise and a quick shower to get clean. I have never used a bath bomb, so can't wait!! Going to share with the kiddos, I got a set of 6, so that will leave me with four to use, if I like them. I'm betting I will. Gonna wait till later in the day so I can light candles and have that be my only light. Maybe read a book. Just gotta have someone nearby in case I have a seizure. I've not had one in a while, so I'm hopeful that they have stopped for now.



Mistakes are proof you are trying. That was a coloring page I did with the kids years ago. We then put them on the wall in the dining room to remind us that it is okay to make mistakes, nobody is perfect. And mistakes are learning opportunities. If you are not trying, you are not learning. I hope I learn from my mistakes. I hope I never stop trying and believing that I will succeed. I'm hoping to instill this into my kids. I have always told my kids that bravery and courage are not the lack of fear, but being afraid and doing it anyway. That is what makes you courageous and brave. Not letting your fears hold you back, as I've done for so long with my phobias and anxiety. Now that does not mean I'm going to go bungee jumping or skydiving. I'm not jumping out of a perfectly good plane. But it does mean I'm going to stop letting my fears hold me down so much. I'm going to work on the things I can, slowly so as not to push myself to hard, get out of my comfort zone, and give it my all.



Happy Sunday to you and I hope you have a wonderful one!!

~Flea
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