A New Start and a Shaky Resolve
Saturday, October 19, 2019
I had made some small progress by getting into the last ten pounds above Onederland. and i stayed there for quite a while. Then came almost a week at my dad's and a course of steroids---those two things brought me back up to 2015. Last I weighed I was 212. I'm disgusted with myself. I go shopping for clothes and I pick up something in my size and I think to myself "This will never fit me....it's enormous!" And I try it on-and it fits-or maybe is still too tight. How can this be? I just bought a coat from Woman Within and it is an 18-20...and their sizes are much larger than you would think -going from just the numbers. Granted...it is big on me. I probably could have gotten away with a size smaller but it's a pain to return it.
I''ve had it. I'm tired of being fat. I'm short of breath just walking across a room. My ankles are in very bad shape and I can imagine that this extra 100 lbs puts enormous strain on them. Maybe if I weighed less, i could do more. The PsA/RA (psoriatic arthritis and rheumatoid arthritis) make it really hard for me to exercise. My fused ankles make almost every exercise impossible. I have two totally bad shoulders...and elbows. I cannot lift even a pound without pain.
But I think of my friend Beth (INDYGIRL) and I think of her needing to lose about 300 lbs and being in almost the same bad place as I am in regard to pain and disability---and she has lost over 200 lbs! She got sick and tired of being sick and tired---and fat--and she decided to do whatever it took to lose the weight and regain her health. And I think ( I HOPE) I'm at that same place now also.
I am unsure of my ability to follow the Spark meal plan because It is really very difficult for me to cook anything.-- even making a cup of coffee hurts too much. I will probably have to amend the diet to make the meals easy to prepare. For the past maybe a year...i have been subsisting on frozen meals. And some of them are ok as far as healthful and low-calorie. Of course the ones i like are filled wiht pasta and cheese...
Ages ago (2010-11) i lost 70 lbs following the Spark meal plan and exercising. I got into really good shape and I was delighted to watch the numbers on the scale get lower and lower. And I was no longer short of breath or too weak to walk from the house to the car. Is that possible now? I know the exercise is just not possible. But where there is a will....yep. ... there has to be a way.
I'm not promising anything....and maybe not expecting much either...But I'm here, writing as honestly as I can--and that is a start.