I restarted my journey 22 days ago, I have had a change of mind which has helped a lot, have been told that the changes I have been working on for a few months have helped with my kidney function and from my highest weight I have lost 48 pounds. So why do I feel frustrated? Why I am starting to think 'this is just to hard'? Why can't I just enjoy all those wonderful green vegetables? Why does sugar have such a strong hold on all that I eat?
Those are some of the questions I have been asking myself over the past 2 days. There is a Scripture that comes to mind 'For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what want, but I do the very think I hate (Romans 7:15) and 'For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing' (Romans 7:19)
I know that the weight I am carrying around is killing me / I know I need to make changes in my food consumption - I know I should be eating more green vegetables and less carbs. And I am working on not thinking 'I don't like vegetables' but changing it to 'vegetables are good for my health and I want to be healthy so I will eat them'. But in all honesty I am struggling with this. First of all I have never been a big vegetable eater - preferred peas and corn over spinach, broccoli, Brussel Sprouts, asparagus and all the rest of them. So that is something I need to work on. I know by doing so it will help with the weight loss and also with managing the diabetes. Now for the big BUT I have IBS and many vegetables that I would consider eating such as broccoli and cauliflower are not good when you have IBS - actually any of the vegetables known to make a person gassy should be avoided to prevent an attack of IBS. So now I am feeling frustrated - do I eat to reverse the diabetes but suffer from IBS attacks or do I eat to prevent the IBS attacks and slow down the weight loss and the reversing of diabetes. The diabetes causes a lot of problems - can cause lose of limbs, kidney problems - which I have now, can damage the eyes causing blindness and many more. IBS just gives a lot of chronic pain. I don't like either - but I have both - so I am going to have to really look into how to handle both of these conditions.
My quality of life is not what I want it to be at age 71 - no one can make the changes for me I need to do them myself. Have to decided how important my health is to me - am I really at the point to make a complete turn around or am I at the door looking in? My mind tends to go to the place of 'I want to get healthy but don't want to make any changes' = and boy do I know that is wrong, as that is what has held me where I am at.
I am going to continue taking life one day at a time, making changes in all areas of my life. I am going to work more on 'eating clean' meaning continue with no processed foods, and the big one being NO SUGAR. When I look back over the last 22 days I have made positive changes and generally I feel so much better. But I also see that I am still letting sugar dominate my daily food -for instance Thanksgiving dinner I had a small dinner bun, a small piece of lemon pie and a small piece of apple pie and a bottle of Brisk Lemonade. I look at these now and see SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR. I have to learn to say 'I don't eat that' .
I also realize it is only one meal of the year - but guess what 'Christmas is 2 1/2 months away and we will be doing it again. Then comes my birthday, my daughter's birthday, Easter and on and on it goes. I have to learn that there just might be foods I shouldn't eat any more due to what they do to me - they make me crave them more and more and more.
Just writing these thoughts has made me feel somewhat better - I can see where I am letting food control me rather than me controlling the food. That is going to change - I realize it is going to be a difficult journey to change that as I have been on that road for most of my life - but I believe I can change, I will change - my health it to important to not change. Though I long to go to my forever home with my Lord and Savior I want to make the most of the rest of the time He has blessed me here on earth.
So what 3 things am I grateful for today
(1) grateful that I can sit down and look at things without going to food and come up with a good action plan
(2) grateful that I got through Thanksgiving dinner and can now get onto eating really clean so that when Christmas arrives in 2 1/2 months I will be stronger with the changes I am making
(3) grateful that I have a husband who is willing to help me out on this journey
My streaks to date are
3 days not eating after 6:30 pm
20 days blogging
22 days logging onto to Sparkpeople
22 days of tracking all food and water
22 days of reading the Bible with husband
Part 1 of Virtual Walk Across Canada - Port Hardy to Port McNeil BC = 27 miles
Part 2 of Virtual Walk Across Canada - Port McNeil to Campbell River (17 miles) 1 mile completed