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Am struggling but not going to give up (October 13 2019)

Monday, October 14, 2019

I restarted my journey 22 days ago, I have had a change of mind which has helped a lot, have been told that the changes I have been working on for a few months have helped with my kidney function and from my highest weight I have lost 48 pounds. So why do I feel frustrated? Why I am starting to think 'this is just to hard'? Why can't I just enjoy all those wonderful green vegetables? Why does sugar have such a strong hold on all that I eat?

Those are some of the questions I have been asking myself over the past 2 days. There is a Scripture that comes to mind 'For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what want, but I do the very think I hate (Romans 7:15) and 'For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing' (Romans 7:19)

I know that the weight I am carrying around is killing me / I know I need to make changes in my food consumption - I know I should be eating more green vegetables and less carbs. And I am working on not thinking 'I don't like vegetables' but changing it to 'vegetables are good for my health and I want to be healthy so I will eat them'. But in all honesty I am struggling with this. First of all I have never been a big vegetable eater - preferred peas and corn over spinach, broccoli, Brussel Sprouts, asparagus and all the rest of them. So that is something I need to work on. I know by doing so it will help with the weight loss and also with managing the diabetes. Now for the big BUT I have IBS and many vegetables that I would consider eating such as broccoli and cauliflower are not good when you have IBS - actually any of the vegetables known to make a person gassy should be avoided to prevent an attack of IBS. So now I am feeling frustrated - do I eat to reverse the diabetes but suffer from IBS attacks or do I eat to prevent the IBS attacks and slow down the weight loss and the reversing of diabetes. The diabetes causes a lot of problems - can cause lose of limbs, kidney problems - which I have now, can damage the eyes causing blindness and many more. IBS just gives a lot of chronic pain. I don't like either - but I have both - so I am going to have to really look into how to handle both of these conditions.

My quality of life is not what I want it to be at age 71 - no one can make the changes for me I need to do them myself. Have to decided how important my health is to me - am I really at the point to make a complete turn around or am I at the door looking in? My mind tends to go to the place of 'I want to get healthy but don't want to make any changes' = and boy do I know that is wrong, as that is what has held me where I am at.

I am going to continue taking life one day at a time, making changes in all areas of my life. I am going to work more on 'eating clean' meaning continue with no processed foods, and the big one being NO SUGAR. When I look back over the last 22 days I have made positive changes and generally I feel so much better. But I also see that I am still letting sugar dominate my daily food -for instance Thanksgiving dinner I had a small dinner bun, a small piece of lemon pie and a small piece of apple pie and a bottle of Brisk Lemonade. I look at these now and see SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR. I have to learn to say 'I don't eat that' .

I also realize it is only one meal of the year - but guess what 'Christmas is 2 1/2 months away and we will be doing it again. Then comes my birthday, my daughter's birthday, Easter and on and on it goes. I have to learn that there just might be foods I shouldn't eat any more due to what they do to me - they make me crave them more and more and more.

Just writing these thoughts has made me feel somewhat better - I can see where I am letting food control me rather than me controlling the food. That is going to change - I realize it is going to be a difficult journey to change that as I have been on that road for most of my life - but I believe I can change, I will change - my health it to important to not change. Though I long to go to my forever home with my Lord and Savior I want to make the most of the rest of the time He has blessed me here on earth.

So what 3 things am I grateful for today

(1) grateful that I can sit down and look at things without going to food and come up with a good action plan

(2) grateful that I got through Thanksgiving dinner and can now get onto eating really clean so that when Christmas arrives in 2 1/2 months I will be stronger with the changes I am making

(3) grateful that I have a husband who is willing to help me out on this journey

My streaks to date are

3 days not eating after 6:30 pm
20 days blogging
22 days logging onto to Sparkpeople
22 days of tracking all food and water
22 days of reading the Bible with husband

Part 1 of Virtual Walk Across Canada - Port Hardy to Port McNeil BC = 27 miles emoticon

Part 2 of Virtual Walk Across Canada - Port McNeil to Campbell River (17 miles) 1 mile completed

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • COOP9002
    Glad you've restarted your journey. Blessings upon you in the days ahead.
    100 days ago
    Marilyn,,, I totally understand what you are saying about those veggies... At 72, see I am one year ahead of you, but I think one reason some of this is so hard for us is that we have had control of our eating for a lot of years and as for me, I didn't eat a lot of veggies , but now am learning that veggies really aren't too bad, and hopefully they will start to taste better soon .. In fact , last week I was craving salad, and for me to crave salad in almost unbelievable..

    I think the enemy wants to keep us discouraged about everything, so we just have to be determined and accept God's help in all of this and if I stop and talk to Him about my choices it does make a big difference in what I choose to eat.. I think as we develop habits in a good way, it will become easier for us ..

    I am praying for you and I believe with the help of God and our friends here at Spark People, we can achieve our goals that we have set for ourselves !!!

    Keep on keeping on - you are doing great ! emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Hugs and Prayers !
    100 days ago
    One more thing that reminded me of you - I was eating my salad for lunch and I put in 1 1/2 tbsp of dried cranberries. They are sweet, but only 26 calories (7g carbs) for that serving. Try putting a few mixed in with grains or salads just before you are ready to eat. It may satisfy a sweet craving.
    100 days ago
    I agree with the advice to eat beans if your IBS will tolerate it. I don't get gassy from beans at all, and they are an excellent source of protein. I eat a can of beans a week, split across four meals. I also love my dark greens, that baby kale mix I previously told you about. It's made by Fresh Express in the bagged salad section, and has a mix of baby kale, chard, and spinach. I put it in my tofu meals and then I eat it on its own with only a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar. It does a good job of filling me up.

    I think since you are diabetic and seeing kidney trouble because of it, that you should talk to your doctor about getting a referral to a dietitian. They should be able to work with you to find a nutrition plan you can live with. It's no fun eating foods you don't like. When I was healing from ten years of bulimia, I had completely forgotten how to eat normally, and the dietitian helped a lot. I'm guessing your province's health plan would cover it since you have diabetes.

    Giving up soda and sugary drinks helped a lot to get rid of my sugar cravings, as did switching to whole grains instead of white bread and pasta. I particularly love barley. It fills me up with a small portion. I never crave sugar now, even when I have PMS! And now that the white sugar is out of my system, I am not tempted by it anymore because I've lost the taste.

    I also had to learn to drink iced tea without any sugar. I don't use alternative sweeteners (and I'm allergic to aspartame), so I had to gradually reduce two teaspoons of sugar to none. I won't lie, it took time, but now when I brew a pot of iced tea I enjoy it without sugar. I have a Mr. Coffee Iced Tea Pot and I just brew it on the weakest setting. I bought that iced tea pot at a Canadian Walmart when I lived in Alberta, maybe you can find one in B.C. and brew your own instead of using that sugary Brisk. I only paid somewhere around $28 for it, I don't remember exactly, but I've gotten so much use out of it!

    It's hard to give up sugar. I understand. I am not a big fruit eater, I never buy it at the grocery store, when I want fruit I go to my favorite restaurant and get the fruit salad they serve as a side dish. Sometimes I get two fruit cups! But maybe for you, you could find a couple of fruits you really like to satisfy your sweet cravings. This is something else that would be a question for a dietitian. Since you're diabetic, I don't know how fruit affects you. And don't bring things like donuts, cakes, and cookies into the house so you won't be tempted by them. If they're there, you'll eat them eventually! My diabetic grandfather was famous for buying Little Debbies and Krispy Kremes.

    You have some great attitudes about eating since you reset your program. Don't be afraid to ask for help from a dietitian in addition to the Facebook group leader.

    101 days ago
    Congratulations on your streaks! You're doing great. It appears your challenge right now is in finding a nutrition program that you can enjoy and that will also help you to lose the weight you need to lose in order to be at a healthy weight. I believe you can do this! Your doctors will really appreciate being able to see your nutrition log. They will look at your total daily calories and your daily percentages of fats, proteins and carbohydrates. Check with your doctor to find out how many grams of protein you should be getting each day. Likewise for fats and carbohydrates. See how your present diet aligns with your doctor's expectations for you. Log everything that goes into your mouth. I'm diabetic, 67 years old with moderate chronic kidney disease. My doctor wants me to eat 50% of my daily calories as carbohydrates, so I get around 200 carb grams each day - spread out. This is satisfying enough to curb my sweet tooth. I choose my carbs carefully and stage them so I don't cause my blood sugar to spike and I test faithfully at 1 hr. and 2 hrs. after eating to make sure my blood sugar is not exceeding 140. If it does, I do some post-meal exercising, moving the large muscle groups (legs or arms or both) to knock the blood sugar down. I never eat carbs by themselves - always with a snack or meal with protein and a little fat. Beans are a miracle food for me, slow to digest and keep my sugar low. I hope you can tolerate them. If you can't, please don't stress over it as the idea here is for you to find what works for you and is satisfying. You can do this!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    101 days ago
    I don’t know if this will work for you with your insurance problems but sometimes beans helps me. I also suffer from it. Try it and see if it helps. 😊
    101 days ago
    I feel exactly the same way at times. It is very hard, particularly with the diabetis and other conditions, which make life even more complicated. But I just recently truly understood that either I change or I forfeit my life. We can do this!
    101 days ago
  • YMWONG22
    emoticon emoticon
    101 days ago
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