Saturday, October 05, 2019
You ever have one of those times where you see someone on camera, video whatever and be all judgmental and think, that person could stand to stop eating so much, then realize the person is you?
Several years ago it happened in Walmart. I was walking under the camera and looked up to see someone walking into the store that I was all judgmental about..turned out, it was me.
A few months ago we got Ring. That stupid doorbell thing with a camera so my husband can track my every comings and goings, well, that’s not what we got it for, but that’s what it does. 😩🙄 anyway, everynight he watches it, asking me if I saw that guy walking by the house or if I saw Schwans knock(actually I’m trying to avoid them thanks$$) but the other day he’s like “who the hell is that?!!” I glance at the phone and started to say that I had no clue, but then I realized the person walking away from the camera had my shirt on..
It was me.
I said, “it’s me!”
Dh said, oh okay.. but looked just as surprised as me. Now I don’t expect to look great on a camera meant to work like a peephole with that angle it does, but my god. It’s true, you never know what you look like to other people. I’m always been judgmental of other people, I don’t share these thoughts with others, and yeah I feel like an jerk about it.. surprisingly I don’t think this way at the gym or about everything or everybody I see, just sometimes. Apparently most of the time it’s myself. I think you can easily forget you look the way you do, (general you) when you are being miss judgy judgerson. I can totally forget I weigh 250+ pounds when I see myself on camera or in pictures and I’m like who’s that fatty?! Oh it’s me.
I need to work on a couple things, I know.. I’m going to the doctors next week. High blood pressure, no exercise, morbidly obese. Probably diabetic at this point. Stress is insanely high.. I’m a mess. I know it can be fixed because I’ve done it before but I’m depressed and anxious and just don’t have the energy. It’s so much easier to not worry about food as well. I know I have to though.
Hope I can get a handle on it before it’s too late.