Put on The Life jacket and Be a Survivor
Friday, September 27, 2019
I've written about inner strength and having to save myself before, but I got another reminder that I need to be the one to put on my own life jacket and take care of myself. One of my parents had yet another tirade at me. I suspect this is an early sign of dementia. While the parent always had some issues with anxiety and anger management, they have become more extreme with age and stress.I am also seeing a more extreme version of Jekyll and Hyde. During good interactions the old rapport and friendship we developed is there, on bad days i am a verbal punching bag. It is clear stress level sets it off, but at this point I walk on eggshells.
I have been called so many names in the past year and shrieked at so many times I have learned to when possible keep a calm voice and call out bad behavior. As I set boundaries this time, I was called "selfish" over and over. That is benign as compared to the other things that have been said.
It felt like someone was verbally trying to drown me, so I put on my life preserver and swam away from the roaring tide. I continue to exercise. I continue to eat right. I have found a therapist to help me navigate. I know I have the support of my husband and friends. Those things lift me and help me stay afloat, but I do not ever want to expect them to save me. I have to save myself.
I am scared of turning into a monster when I age and I am determined to do everything in my power to avoid that. One can do all the right things and still develop age related cognitive issues, but I have got to at least do whatever I can in my power to slow things or avoid it. I need to exercise and shake things up. I need to eat brain healthy foods and keep my social support network. I need to keep learning new things.
It's a frightening thing when somebody I used to consider part of my support network can so easily flip and turn into what is eating at me. It throws so much off course and can be disorienting, but in the end I have to be my own best friend. I chose to stay above water and swim. I chose health and wellness.
**Blog is personal and may be taken down at some point.