Wednesday, September 11, 2019
Is that an old timer's expression? Ah...well. I am attending a meeting through Zoom as I work from home about the results of the study on our Corporate Culture. Or, "Are you f__ing kidding me?" as my husband said.
It was difficult going back to work after having a week off. I actually began to pick things up around my house. I was sleeping better. I didn't obsess over stupid interactions with others at work.
I find myself having stepped across the divide from undeclared and extremely lengthy "middle age" to "older person." Not having had children, my husband and I had no rude awakening as to our irrelevance and inability to recognize current pop music hits. It seemed to hit me after I let my hair go gray. And after a wave of retirements over a period of years, I find myself surrounded by younger people, mostly. Mostly a lot younger. I just turned 63.
I am reading a book by the sci-fi author Ursula K. LeGuin: "No Time to Spare: Thinking About What Matters". The author published the book in her eighties. She died in 2018. Aside from the fact that her writing is wonderful to read, she's got that love affair with words that makes a good writer, it's making me feel not so old at 63.
The ground is shifting under my feet at work. Was being uber-friendly to new people in my department, until I realized that it was a waste of time. Being mocked for smiling. I went over this in previous blogs. Anyhow, I have now finally lost my naivety for good this time. (She says convincingly).
So I focus on doing my job, which I was told I do exceptionally. I protect myself emotionally from the underlings (those who don't have years of experience as I do in my job) because they are just going to come looking to knock me out of their way once they master what they are being trained to do). I am taking care of myself, and only myself, at work.
I am trying to reshape my eating habits, going after the excessive snacking and indiscriminate cashew munching. I have limited my snacks down to the minimum for me. I am trying to eat only raw vegetables while I prepare dinner. Or perhaps a sliced apple and water. I joined a couple of challenges that involve getting 10 or 20 minutes of exercise.
I feel discouraged with myself for not having totally nailed this by now, but, hey, that's life. Must go listen in on meeting now (I am working home today) so that I can help increase our organizational excellence.
May God have mercy on my soul.