My new therapist is awesome!! I had some serious reservations, because the therapist is a male, but he was amazingly professional, yet understanding and caring and not overbearing. Perfect mix. He helped me so much in just the first session!!! I have homework, even something I had to do yesterday before the end of the day, just a simple task. I loved it. He was happy with how I used a coping technique for an anxiety attack, and had suggestions for me for next time I'm in a large crowd. He didn't push for too many things on my past because I'd made it clear that initially I want to learn coping skills that so many therapists have failed to teach me, and to learn how to move forward, to stop believing the negative things I've had etched on my heart and drilled in my mind. I want to break those bonds and become me, and not my past. I've done good, but my last therapist kept wanting to look backwards, I'm ready and wanting to move forwards. The coping technique I used for my anxiety attack my bff sent me and walked me through it. He also thanked me for filling out the intake so thoroughly. He said a lot of people just put the bare minimum on it, and it was really helpful to learn so much about what I'm dealing with before the appointment. I told him that the way I see it, if he doesn't know what is going on, how can he help me? I'm only hurting myself if I'm not open and honest.
He had a great suggestion for the times when I wake up super early and can't sleep and am wide awake body and mind... go work out. Get my workout out of the way. I haven't done my whole work out, my dog was getting impatient, but I did get 20 minutes on the treadmill, so that makes 2,850 steps before 5 AM and 5 floors climbed!!! WooHoo! I think I will reach and maybe even exceed my goal of 6k steps for the day! My knee hurt at first, but surprisingly as I walked more, the pain went away. I can't put any of my usual arthritis cream on it, because when I fell the other day I scraped a huge circle of skin off. Those extra large bandages aren't big enough I'm having to use gauze and tape. Not easy to put on exercise pants like that, they want to take the bandage off with them!!! So this morning it was 2 AM. I tried to go back to sleep, I really did. But my body and brain were going stir crazy, screaming at me to get out of bed, I got so uncomfortable I know I would have woke DH and he is not feeling well and needs the sleep. I on the other hand, can take a nap if my body and mind calm down enough to let me.
So, my homework was to find out what kind of sewing machine I have, the brand and number, and look up a youtube video series on it that I could watch every day, and watch at least 10 to 15 minutes starting today on my machine and how it works, and if I need to, go practice what I have learned for 10-15 minutes. Totally doable. I found a great site, you can watch the videos on youtube or on their website, where they unbox it and go step by step on how to use every bit of it. Then we set a goal. My goal is to learn as much as I can about my machine for the rest of the week, and possibly next week (there are a LOT of videos in the series I'm watching) and by the end of the month learn how to make a toddler tie for my little cousin. He's turning 2 soon and I want to make him some ties and bow ties. I bought the pattern already (velcro instead of elastic, I can't stand the thought of putting elastic around a little kids neck!!), so I just need to read it and learn how to make it. I'll need to buy the material and that will take someone at the hobby store teaching me about fusible interface to make the material more sturdy. I called and asked the hobby store if someone would do that , and they said yes, just bring the list of things I needed and they would help me find everything and explain the differences. So excited for this! Also to map out the steps for this month on how I'm going to get to where I can have the skills needed to make the tie, and then what comes next? What else do I need to learn to move forward in my sewing skills?
And for my next social setting, Bible Study on Friday, practice in the mirror positive self talk. Practice like I used to when I was in the military and had to speak in front of a room of 50 or so Colonels (always thought it weird that word is pronounced 'kernels' LOL). Practice small talk. I'm not good at it. I want deep meaningful conversations, but, in order to get to know people enough to have those conversations, you have to start with small talk. Ugh. So, I'm to practice a few times a day, maybe when I pass the mirror going to the bathroom. Practice my smile and saying hello. Practice positive self talk. I'm out of practice doing that. But, I think it is a great first step, and it was the first thing that came to my mind when he asked what I could do to prepare for Friday. I really liked how he asked me questions, but didn't lead me into answers, so I'm doing things that I'm comfortable with, not things that I'm having to do because my therapist wants me to. These were all my ideas, with input from him. He asked me how much time I could spend for real on videos and learning to sew. And if I want to spend more, I can, but do at least the amount I said I would.
Today I will be calling the school counselor. A teacher called my ODD a boy, she had her back turned and was beside another boy at a table. But when my daughter turned around and looked at the teacher, the teacher just stared at her for like 5 seconds and then moved on. Didn't apologize, nothing. It really hurt my daughter's feelings. And another teacher started bullying a kid because he broke his iPad and had to do some work on paper, actually called him a loser, several times. And because the teacher was doing it, several other students did too. Made my daughter not only mad, but not feel comfortable with that teacher or in that class. I can't blame her, teachers are not supposed to bully kids like that. So I'm calling the school today to speak to the counselor. I've talked to this woman before because of ODD having a hard time and breaking down crying, she went to the nurses office, who sent her to the counselor, and she felt safe there.
I've not been watching what I eat closely enough. I've gained two pounds. I'm inching back up towards two hundred. NOOOOOOOOO!!! Not going to happen. I'm at 194. I'm so mad at myself for this! I'm going to try not to be. It happens to the best of us. And I've had a lot going on. That is no excuse for my poor eating habits, but I need to be more kind to myself on this and remember that with mindfulness and dedication, I can get it back off without any more regain. I'm going to use the nutrition tracker and the exercise tracker, my Fitbit updates my cardio, so I don't have to do that, but for strength training I will.
Hope you have a wonderful Wednesday!!!