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The dine-in get together and my first group grief meeting today

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Hello, my dear friends!

Saturday was a big night for me. It was another 'first' without my beloved hubby. I hosted 20 friends to our home for a dine-in get together.

This is when the hostess cooks the main course and assigns side dishes and appetizers and dessert assignments to the other guests.

I knew it was high time I take my turn hostessing since I had attended several of the other functions.

I wasn't really sure I could pull it off...there is SO much to do when you host such a large group. I invited two couples from the neighborhood to join us because they have been so very kind and supportive of me since the loss of my beautiful husband in late June.

I thought I would slip them in because I thought two couples (4 people) from the regular group were out of town. Well...surprise...the two couples returned to town and accepted my invitation so I had more people than I was originally counting on...but everything worked out well and we all had a good time.

I had an all-time record with my Fitbit on steps (I think it was close to 20,000 steps) because I was in constant movement from the time my feet hit the floor getting out of bed about 7 a.m. until almost midnight when I finally fell into bed unable to sleep although exhausted because I was so geared up from the event. Wow...talk about being overstimulated when I usually just sit in a chair gazing at the television like I'm interested. I'm not...I'm just coping within the moment.

I'm SO mad at myself that I didn't take pictures of the actual party...it didn't even occur to me...duh!

I do have a few pics of the beautiful flowers I planted to spruce up the patio for my company to enjoy.

I set in some gorgeous mums and tried some succulents for a change. My little orchids were all showing off their beautiful flowers, it's as if they knew company was coming. emoticon

I swept the lanai, hosed it off, and wiped down all of the wicker furniture the whole time remembering how my hubby had always handled that task with ease. It was a bittersweet time for me. We tend to take our loved one's contributions to our lives for granted never realizing how very important they were until they are gone.

The patio looked sparkling clean and I am so happy it is finally getting a sliver cooler so I can sit out at night with a glass of wine. This will be another bittersweet thing for me...it just won't ever be as enjoyable as it was with my sweetheart beside me. emoticon

Give your loved ones a BIG, BIG hug and let them know how very important they are in your world. Do it now...life is fleeting.

Here are a few shots of the tables...of course this is the aftermath...I had stripped all of the beautiful tablecloths and centerpieces but you get the point..it was a LOT of people!

And....the plates...oh my GOSH the plates!

The dishwasher has been broken forever...and I saw no need to spend the money to have it repaired since it's just me now...but boy oh boy with a crowd like Saturday it surely would have come in handy! Luckily, my friends, hand washed and hand dried every last plate and silver for me. It was SOOOO appreciated and very, very kind of them. Guests aren't supposed to have to work when they are invited to dinner but I'm sure happy these aren't typical guests...they are friends in the biggest sense of the word! I am truly blessed to have them in my life as I'm also truly blessed to have you...my sparky friends also. emoticon

Today was another first for me. I've been seeing a grief counselor every other week and she has been gently suggesting I might want to come to her group grief meeting. I've been dragging my feet on that for weeks now. I tried a grief group when we lost our son back in 2006 and it was not a good experience.

I wanted to go just to hear someone say I would eventually recover...I'd eventually want to live again and my life would go on. The ladies I met at the one and only meeting were so emotional and sooooo stuck in their grief. I met several ladies that were so raw I thought their child must have passed recently...like weeks ago recently. I found that the child had been gone for 8 years for one mother and 10 years for another mother.

I knew I didn't want to be those mothers...so horribly stuck in their grief they were buried in the event. I realized I could do better on my own and eventually I was able to function again.

I imagine it will be the same with the loss of my sweetheart. At least I'm hoping it will. Right now it takes everything I have just to get out of bed in the morning. I'm so thankful to have the consignment gallery...it forces me to get up, get dressed, and engage with the world. Without that...I'd probably just be a housebound crazy cat lady because I'd adopt every little cat I could.

The grief group was different. I met some very nice ladies who have lost their husbands most within the last year and I was surprised to see so many men in the group. I think there were at least 5. That seems unusual to me...most of the time men don't attend these kinds of things. I can't see my husband ever going to something like this if our roles were reversed. But maybe he would if he was seeing a grief counselor that encouraged him the way mine has. If he'd even see a grief counselor...I just don't know. I guess we will never know.

Everyone introduced themselves and told a little about their story. Most marriages were long term so I guess the adjustment is harder. I liked the ladies very much and will make an effort to attend some of the early dinners they do on the 1st and 3rd Saturday of the month.

It's great to have friends but friends that are walking in your shoes are wonderful. If I can offer anything I can offer a compassionate ear so it will help me and hopefully them as well.

Well...my friends...it's late and I have to work tomorrow so I'll say goodnight...this is a safe place for me to share my journey and I appreciate you indulging me with the shoulders to lean on!

If I can ever be of help to you..remember I'm only a spark page away! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm sorry for the late reply to your blog but I've been out for a while and really want to catch up. Your dine-in group hosting sounds like it went well. You have a beautiful home and I just love your round table. I want to get a round table but that will have to be in the future and I'm trying to pay off a couple of things now and I really don't want to add more debt.
    So glad to hear that your group therapy went well.

    HUGS and prayers my dear friend!.
    4 days ago
    I'm so glad your experience at this new grief group is better than the one many years ago. I guess it depends on many factors, and the makeup of the group and whatever chemistry develops is surely the most important. I hope you continue to go and find comfort and camaraderie--and enjoyment!

    And it's just wonderful that you have friends to support you and wash and dry all those dishes! You have a lovely home, Bobbi, and I'm sure your friends loved being there with you.
    29 days ago
    you done it !! Your husband would have been so proud. That is good about the grief group to go to. yes I will be 70 & think of my demiss or my husbands. That is why I went on a rampage of purging this year. I do not want it left to him if I go first. i had beautiful things I enjoyed them for many years now someone else can enjoy them i never thought I could do that to part with so much. It was freeing & have no regrets.
    Have a lovely week
    38 days ago
    So glad your party went so well. Was worried they would turn on you.
    Your flowers looked wonderful.
    So glad you went to your grief meeting. It took me 5 years to go to the one they had at my church. I'm a little backwards. But I had my 3 sons to worry about who wouldn't go to any counseling. You can take us but we won't talk. It was a truly traumatic time for us all.
    Jumping ahead 32 years I'm happily married again. Neither of us expected to marry again but God had other plans for us. My DH is wonderful but not my first love.
    Know I'm hear for you if you ever need to talk or rant. Been where you are and know how very hard it is.
    Love you Bobbi emoticon emoticon
    38 days ago
    You were so brave to take on the dinner party!! I'm glad to hear everything went so well for you.

    Thank you for being so open and honest with your journey - I'm glad you have a safe place to let your feelings out and you are wonderful for sharing - it is a great example of how to deal with what life gives us.

    39 days ago
    Hello Bobbi .. sorry I have been MIA .. thank you for sharing your heartbreaking journey .. I believe you have made huge leaps forward .. .. by extending yourself to others as well as receiving professional help trying to maneuver life without Don .. your two men are with you always .. holding you close .. do what you can to ease the loneliness .. filling your home with people is a wonderful idea .. especially the neighbours that have been there for you .. a great way to appreciate their kindness and being there .. sending you a huge hug .. know that I keep you close in thought and prayer ..xo

    40 days ago
    I am so happy the dinner went well! You did great, and it was nice of your friends to help with the dishes. I hope the grief counseling group helps (it helped me somewhat but we never developed a friendship).
    40 days ago
  • LYNCHD05
    Glad to hear you dinner turned out so well. Your patio looks lovely..

    It’s good your tried the group counselling and things turned out better than you were anticipating.
    40 days ago
    Very proud of you Bobbikens! xo
    40 days ago
    Now that your hostess obligations have been met for awhile you can relax and enjoy being the guest in future. Your home looked gorgeous! I admire how you put it all together knowing how much you are hurting. You are a strong woman. But we already knew that. Hope the grief support group works. It all depends on the group and its leader.
    40 days ago
    emoticon You are emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    40 days ago
    I am glad that your dinner party was a success. Your home looks beautiful, I love the flowers that you planted and how spotlessly clean everything is. It is great that your friends wash the dishes.

    I am glad that the grief group was supportive. I think groups like that can be very helpful. And it may be a way of meeting new friends. It is important to have a support network of friends, because you did so much with Don.
    40 days ago
    So glad the Dinner was a success, but I was sure it would be.

    And I have met a couple people here, that I no longer have on the friend list, that are so stuck in something that happen so many years ago, one over 20 years, that it has totally taken over there life yet, and wont move on WE all have things happen in life, and to have a life for ourselves me must keep moving forward. It sounds like the experience with Grief Counselling the first time, had a couple of them, and was bringing everyone down. I know that everyone grieves differently but a person needs to move thru the steps and learn to live again. There is a big difference from talking about it and dwelling on it. Your grief has been an inspiration and a guide for many, Keep moving ahead. Hugs.
    40 days ago
    so glad you had some friends over to change your focus to healing from all that you have been through, glad you are going to meeting to care for yourself emoticon emoticon
    40 days ago
    I'm glad you went to the grief group and that it was helpful. I think you're right - sometimes you need to share with others who are walking in similar shoes.
    40 days ago
    I hope the group experience helps you. I knew your dinner party would got well. Big hug.
    40 days ago
    I am so glad your big dinner party went so well!
    Your lanai and patio looked so inviting...did some guests eat out there (as your dining room couldn’t hold 20+ guests)?
    Hope the grief group continues to give you comfort.

    40 days ago
    Always on the go but glad you are doing something for yourself. HUGS!
    40 days ago
    Great place to have friends gather and the flowers always make things special. Whoa, glad your friends helped with the dishes! You are showing strength by having the group to your home and going to the counseling session is also a good thing. I like that you are willing to be there for others as much as self! emoticon
    40 days ago
    Your back yard looks absolutely gorgeous. I would love to sit out there now.

    Glad your dinner party was a success. I think you are on the right track going to the group meetings and it looks like it will be a much better experience than last time. emoticon
    41 days ago
    Basically, I am saying, well done. You are a fine example to us here, and your story is the essence of strength.
    41 days ago
    You have already helped me. I understand grief better now. You were very strong to take on the dinner party and your friends seem genuinly committed to you. I’m sure they enjoyed thr evening, appreciated the effirt it took and your place, the flowers
    41 days ago
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