CROUCHINGFLEA
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Day 24/ Thank You Coach Nicole!/ Frustrating Elusive Words!!!!

Tuesday, September 10, 2019



Coach Nicole, how can I thank you enough for this? Because of my health, I've not been able to exercise much... lets just say what used to be perky is now sagging, and I can't stand it! But my core strength and flexibility are my main goals right now when it comes to strength training.... so this is perfect! One exercise a day to help lift my bum!! In fact I messaged it to my BFF that is trying to lose weight (15 pounds so far, go her!!) and hope it helps her out too!! Nothing to make you feel unattractive like a saggy bum!!



My sleep is still crazy! I wake up at 12 every night. My mind awake and wanting to do things, but it doesn't take much for me to realize my body is still very much asleep and I'm in danger of falling if I try to do anything much. So I go back to bed and day dream, not thinking about anything serious, maybe just thinking about a fiction book I read or a dream vacation... and then I'm asleep till 3. That is when my whole self is awake. Some nights I can roll over and go back to bed, but most days are like today and I am wide awake and give in and get up for the day. Usually I have my workout clothes ready and get dressed and all that jazz. Today I'm staying in my jammies till I can shower because my first therapy appointment with my new therapist is today and DH forgot. He is my driver.

So, instead of Uber (thank God, riding with someone I don't know scares me!!), FIL is taking me. I feel bad for taking up his work time, but thankful he can take me!!! I'm already anxious about the appointment, the therapist is a guy. But I have found that my empathy works against me with women, as I have mentioned. My last therapist is pissed at me, as I can tell from her reply to my trying to tell her that I just want to be friends like she had said we could be when my therapy with her ended. No, she had to go all passive aggressive. I understand. She is a wonderful person, but she stepped over the line so many times, I just could not see her professionally any more and she could not understand why. She insulted my husband so many times the last time I talked to her, and then she told me about her significant other whom I thought was her spouse, and why she would never marry again. Aha. My DH didn't/doesn't like her methods, and would not do a group therapy session with her. She has been insulting him since then. I should have stopped seeing her then, but.... ah well.

I'm signed up for a neat free "How to eliminate self limiting beliefs" thing on Wednesday at 1300. I was amazed at how she got my self limiting belief with just a few questions. If I can still get her kit after we get paid and her live thing on Wednesday is any good, I'm going to get it.

I'm still in kind of a mixed state.. but I'm not really sure... lack of sleep can do that to you. Word elude me. I say things I don't mean to say. Not things I'm thinking, but wrong words. I told my daughter to take out the dogs, because I looked at my dog while saying it. Then I asked, why is she taking out the dogs, I asked her to take out the garbage? No, I didn't. Both my ODD and DH were present, so they corrected me. DH doesn't understand that it is just getting the right words out and that I can't explain things right because of the words eluding me. Random words will pop out when I'm saying something. It is so frustrating. DH said my decision making privileges were revoked. I know he was joking, but it is so frustrating!!!

Okay, so writing that made me remember that I could message my psych doc and that maybe he had gotten back to me from my last message. He had not. So I sent him a rather long one, reading it three times to make sure that I worded it right. You see the problem with words comes out in my typing too. So I'll read this blog several times before I actually hit 'post'. It's so frustrating!!!! And it is making everyone worry. I'm going to call my new neurologist and see if I'm on the cancellation list like they said and if I can get in sooner, at this may be neurological, not from psych meds.

So, shower as soon as the kids leave for school, get ready for FIL to get here, to pick me up, and possibly go out to lunch with him. Waiting to work out with the kids when they get home, they are all for it, they love helping me and motivating me, so it should be fun. If they don't have too much homework. ODD had homework yesterday, but the teacher did not explain how to write a paper, just told them what to write about. So. Darn. Frustrating!! And my YDD wrote a sentence in ADVANCED ELA (English) and was told, 'honey, I don't think that is a word.' The phrase she used was, "... the former, not the latter..." So, she went to her kindle, flipped back a few pages in the book she was reading (a series I just finished) and showed her the exact phrase. How could this teacher of 12 years not know that phrase!?

Omg if you only knew how many times I've had to hit the backspace button or go back and retype things! Argh!!! Okay, not going to reread again, hopefully I caught all my typos. Sigh.

Hope your day goes well!! emoticon to you all!!

~Flea

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