CROUCHINGFLEA
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Day 18/Depression Will Not Get The Better Of Me This Time!!

Wednesday, September 04, 2019



emoticon Talked to 2 friends today, my 2 BFF's in fact. Both were also having really bad days, one PTSD, the other severe loneliness, anxiety, and depression. I told one to call me later and we would set up a time every day where she can call me so she speaks to more than just her husband and occasionally her sister. I won't go into details, because those are personal, I don't really like talking on the phone much, but these two people are exceptions to the rule. I bought one Do It Scared already, and I am having the other check it out and may buy it for her, she is like I was with no personal dream or goal. One has a 16 yr old with depression and such and I sent her the link to Powersheets by Cultivate What Matters, and told her that if I could afford it, and it was something she thought her DD would do and would help, I'd buy it as an early Christmas present for her. I am getting one for my 13 yr old and myself this year (will have to get different colors to not confuse them!). I wanted to get one for my youngest (11 yrs, almost 12) but she is... stubborn to say the least.

I am still slowly sinking into depression. I slept less today though. I woke at 2 AM wide awake. I tried going back to sleep and managed for a while, but kept waking with panic attacks. Little 21 pound Pickles sat beside me and growled softly and grumbled and stayed on high alert till I was able to get out of bed and take something and then crawl back in bed. He was stuck by my side the entire time. and propped himself up against me. Since I knew I would be trying to sleep for more than 2 hours, Hope was in her kennel, which she let me know she was not happy about. She is a stinky girl, so probably going to get one of the kids to help me give her a bath later. I had hoped we could wait till her appointment with the groomer on the 20th because she has a big knot of hair behind one of her ears and I was told that every time she gets wet it will get bigger. But man does she smell bad. So today it is. But, still working with psychiatrist to get things under control.



I'm working on my daily focus sheet (from Living Well) as soon as soon as I'm off of here, and going to put just the essentials of what must be done today, with the help of the kiddos. We are trying to save money, so we made a huge vat of DH's secret ingredient Chili (super healthy) and I'm supposed to be making (with ODD's help) Italian bread daily. Oops. Will make the dough starter tonight and the bread tomorrow. It is something you have to keep constantly going, every night making another biga (dough starter) It's not hard, just a little time consuming and something more to remember. And the kitchen has to be clean in order to do it, must have a good work space to work the dough.



If I ever get another tattoo (what can I say, I was young and stupid), the above will be one of them. The other one I want to get is the semi-colon on the inside of my wrist, on my left wrist. The scar is small, I was very young, but I would like to cover it up with something that has meaning. If you don't know the meaning of the semi-colon look up 'my story isn't finished yet'.



This is at the old house, when I first set it up. I love this beauty. It is 95 emoticon outside, no way I could walk in that, I'm too pampered by the AC. So to the basement we shall go when the kids get home and get some cardio in on the treadmill, if I can manage it. I'm exhausted. Panic attacks because my doctor forgot to refill my anxiety meds and the pharmacy is so overwhelmed they could not fill it till this evening.



Okay, I'm off to plan the rest of my meals in the nutrition tracker and plan my evening on my daily focus sheet and maybe try to get a nap before the kids come home. May have to put up the stinky dog for that one, I don't want her on the bed till she has had a bath... and dried off!!

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~Flea
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