Reset for Fall
Sunday, August 25, 2019
A dear friend asked me a question about my mental state. My first reaction was, "oh no, I'm fine... " but I've also been trying not to go with my first reaction to what someone says. It can pay off well if you don't reply quickly and without thinking about it for a bit. And yes, there is a place for the quick retort and for taking care of situations quickly and accurately, but this situation was not one of those.
She asked if I was all right because my quotation posts in the community feed seemed to indicate melancholy and a pretty deep sadness. And what I realized after thinking about it for a bit was that I was picking quotations that spoke to me, and yes, picking ones that were melancholy.
So here's the answer... I suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder). The area where I live has been exceptionally cloudy, and yes, the days are getting shorter. The "fix" is comparatively easy compared to other issues and involves getting outside more, increasing exercise, eating healthy, and being aware that this is part of what's going on for me. Which helps me be less snappy and grouchy to others. LOL.
On the other side of this particular problem, I am very much the primary caregiver for my mother. My Dad is still living but is not up to much in terms of daily caregiving or daily chores in the house. At this time last year, Mom took a serious turn for the worse, which thankfully was rectified and was a comparatively "easy" fix. But that memory shadows my thoughts right now, as that downhill slide took place at this time of year last year. Caregiving is interesting. You always think you can do more and should be doing more. But it is also exhausting. There come times when you say, "I just don't care anymore. Do whatever you want... " and then there are times of deep love. these are the people I really care about and who care about me very deeply. it is a precarious time in so many ways, but also a valuable time.
Prayers always appreciated. All is well, or will be well. Progress is being made on some projects in the house, and that is always a good thing.