Day 4/Reality of Depression
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
Day 3, yet again, didn't go as planned. I think I'm going to have to rethink whether quitting coffee is best for me or not. Not whether I love the stuff and don't want to give it up, but whether it is detrimental to my well being. After cup # 2 yesterday, I was ready to fall back asleep, and my belly was so full of coffee, I had to wait to drink my water to take my morning meds. I read on a SP article that drinking a cold glass of water first thing in the morning is better for your digestion and waking you up. I think I will try that tomorrow, before I have a cup of coffee have my water and take my meds. This morning I was planning on it, but was still partly asleep and went into auto mode and made my coffee.
There was no good reason why I didn't work out yesterday other than I was tired and depressed. I've been fighting this depression for a while now, and it is not lifting. I've been waiting on my appointment with my psychiatrist this Thursday. Today I'm going to push to get my workout in and at least get today's main to do list done. I have my cleaning broken down into things I do each day of the week, so I'm not overloaded each day. People don't understand how debilitating depression can be. I barely got anything done yesterday because I was so depressed. I didn't have the energy for anything. Everything felt like it took monumental amounts of energy to do.
So today's plan is to sit and guide the kids through their morning routine while working on today's to do list. I've got my list of chores that I do weekly on ToDoist, and I have a 'daily do it' sheet from Living Well, that I fill out daily with my most important, working my way down to least important (the ones where I'll do it if I have energy, but if I don't, it's okay). I work on one section of the house a day for cleaning, and area of the house for decluttering each week. It's past time to go to Goodwill and drop off, I have a pile by the door. I don't want to throw it out, because it is all good stuff. Some of it is clothes, DH says I should keep the clothes to cut up to use as practice for sewing, but I'd rather donate it to someone who may need it. Plus it is mainly kids clothes, and that doesn't have enough material to salvage.
Then, once the kids are gone, I'll help DH get ready, pack his lunch and drink and such and get him on his way. I'm already dressed to work out, so I'll head downstairs and work out after he leaves, as long as my coffee is settled. If it is not I'll allow myself 30 minutes of either working on my new book and workbook "Eat That Frog" (recommended by Ruth Soukup) or I'll get on the computer for a while. I'll set an alarm so that I don't go over time. I have a phone session with my therapist at 9 (since I can't drive and DH can only work from home to take me to appointments 1 day a week).
I probably will end up taking a nap today, depression just makes me that tired. The dogs usually curl up with me. Hope was so cute yesterday, she had to be curled up right beside me, or if the small dog had already taken his usual spot by my tummy, then she would curl up by my upper body, face really close to mine. It can be difficult for me to sleep like that, I don't like breathing where someone else is breathing, but I guess she doesn't either because she eventually moved her face away just right, where she was still close, but not breathing on each other. I have some sweet puppies.
I've been meaning to put my goals down and work them into smaller, doable goals, and have not yet gotten to it. Depression has a way of making me feel like I can't. Just can't. Anything. So today, I'm setting aside time to write out those goals and set smaller doable goals to reach. It might be hard, it is difficult to think of goals and the future when you are this depressed. My mind turns sluggish and I can't see that far. But I'll have Google to help me research. I'm debating whether I should have my weight goals in 5 pound increments or 10. I want to make it something doable, but not where I'm celebrating too much, I'll run out of ways of rewarding myself that seem fitting.
That is the plan for the day. Do the best I can. Drink lots of water. Try to get a work out in. Work on my goals setting. And get some cleaning done. Little by little.
Hope you have a great Wednesday!