I haven't blogged much on Sparkpeople lately. The past few years have been filled with a lot of pain. A lot of pain with no answers. I've been pretty vulnerable on this site before, so I feel comfortable sharing this here. I still don't have the answers, so this is more a brain dump than an attempt at an inspirational post. I hope you all are doing well
*THE FOLLOWING IS ORIGINALLY A POST I MADE ON FACEBOOK*
Okay, I'm going to be vulnerable with y'all and I'm going to post the pictures in the comments (because NOBODY needs to be casually scrolling through their Facebook feed and have my stomach jumping out at them 😳) Also, I was in so much pain last night that I didn't think to WIPE DOWN THE FREAKING MIRROR before taking photos, so forgive me friends. 🤦♀️
Also, I know I've talked about my pain a lot, so feel free to scroll on by. Someone might have shared that video of the child surrounded by puppies! 🐶 I've seen it a few times in my feed and every time someone shares it, it makes me smile. 😁
But about my pain, 2010ish is when I first started feeling discomfort in my stomach and intestines. Especially when it came to *ahem* evacuating. (💩) I was tested for celiac (blood test: positive, intestinal test: inconclusive) and was told by the doctor to stop eating *anything* that was putting me through that much pain. I felt a lot better for awhile, but in 2013-2014ish it got much worse. Sometimes I would think I knew why, like a possible cross contamination with gluten, and then other times I'd think that other foods were triggering the pain. I cut out dairy for awhile, but that seemed to make things worse, so I added it back in. I stopped eating most fruits (my favorites 😭) because they made my entire being burn like a thousand suns. I've been off soy as it seems to mess with my thyroid although I'm not as strict about it as I am gluten. But even after cutting out numerous other foods, the pain persists...
I've missed out on weddings, birthdays, and other get-togethers (Is that a word? I don't know, my stomach hurts.) due to the pain. I've had a sigmoidoscopy done- "everything looks great!" Awesome...that's so helpful... 🙄😓 I've seen a homeopath (who totally ripped me off. Oh great, more fun). I've tried essential oils (panaway and digize are my friends ❤️) and then yesterday I tried cannabis infused gummies, which did not help whatsoever. And the thing is...I don't know WHAT the pain is from, WHY it happens or HOW to make it stop in the first place. I have no official diagnosis.
I went from eating 3 meals a day to 6 small ones per the recommendation of my doctor before the pain started. But when I realized that eating/digesting food would bring on symptoms I slowly moved back to eating only 3 times a day. My stomach just refuses to accept food more often than that. 😥 And I discovered that I can no longer snack. If I so much as have a couple of sips of water when it's not meal time, my stomach cramps as though I just ate a 4 course meal. Aubrey comes home with a bag of M&M's? Sure, I'll have a couple. 🙂 Thanks hun! Wait, no, no, no. That was a huge mistake. Great, now my stomach's pissed. 😠🤦♀️🤬 I do have another appointment with my doctor, but it's not until late October. And I don't even know what to say when I get there. "Hey doc, sooo... my stomach still hurts. I know every intestinal test we've done has come back 'inconclusive' or 'great!' buuuuut...ow." 🤷♀️ I've ordered some CBD oil and I'm really hoping it will help!
I guess this was a REALLY long way of saying "been in a lot of pain lately, trying to pretend like I'm not, and also if I didn't attend your wedding, your BBQ, or your 'anniversary of turning 21' I'm sorry." Hopefully this brain dump can explain why and if not, they say a picture is worth a thousand words. I took three pictures last night (after the cannabis gummies didn't work) to show what it looks like when I'm in pain. For reference, I'm 5'5'' and fluctuate between 135-140 pounds. Apparently most of which, is in my stomach. 😩🥺 It's a bummer that the gummies didn't work, but I did order some CBD oil and I'm really hoping it will help! ❤️
Edited to add the photos I posted on FB, but couldn't find a way to do so in the comments here.