When my ex and I split, at first, I kept all three of our dogs, Lilo, Pepe, and Willow. When he was settled, he took Willow. Willow was supposed to be my dog, but she adored Chris, so it was right to let him have her.
Approximately two weeks ago, I had Pepe put to sleep. I wrote about him earlier. The vet thought he had a brain tumor or some neurological issue. I called my ex so he could say goodbye. It was the right thing to do.
Tuesday, my ex texts me and tells me to call him. He had Willow put to sleep. She had been having problems with dementia for some time. He didn't give me or my son the chance to say goodbye. I had been asking him if we could see her. I didn't even know she was having problems.
I have been miserable for the last two days. There's a lot more drama to this story, but I think I've given the gist of the story without putting all my dirty laundry out for all to see. Yesterday, I had a 4000+ calorie binge. I don't feel guilty about it. I actually enjoyed binging. I know it's destructive behavior though, so I'm trying to cope with my feelings in more helpful ways today.
The positive side to this is that I no longer have any reason to see my ex. He doesn't like my dog Lilo. He ended his relationship with my son a long time ago. (He's my son's stepfather. I was previously widowed.) My son wants nothing to do with Chris. He still spends time with my mom, but I don't need to let that bother me. (Admittedly, sometimes it does.)
I have a lot of anger, grief, and guilt to deal with. I hate that I let this man into my life. I guess I wasn't the only one fooled. Everyone at church thinks he's a saint. I haven't been to church in a long time. It's time I found a new church.
I have been overwhelmed with my emotions. I can't just ignore them or not feel them. I need to work through what I'm feeling. I actually hate the phrase "work through my feelings" because I have no idea how to do that or what it even means. Still, I know it's something I must do.
I'll spend some time looking at doggie pictures. I'll try to get together with a girlfriend or two and properly roast my ex. I'll try to forgive him. I'll keep in mind that I'm no saint either, and he probably has a lot of reasons to dislike me. I'll hug my son and Lilo even more than usual. I'll eventually get through this wave of emotions.
For now, I'll share some pictures of Willow.