So much fear.
Friday, August 09, 2019
Why am I so scared to re-start this journey? I lost over 70 pounds 6 years ago and I have kept that off - the problem is I stopped 60 pounds short of the goal. I have been ok with this or at least I thought I was ok. My Doctor wanted me to see the lifestyle specialist which I figured would be a nutritionist. Nope, this is a therapist specializing in eating issues.
Let’s be honest it’s almost given that I have emotional issues tied in with my weight problems. I turn 50 this year and I realize that but I also felt like “Hey, I got this!”. All the Dr asked me to do was track my food and walk each day. Interesting that it sent me into a spiral of hiding in Netflix, Instagram, and Facebook.
If you had asked me 2 weeks ago “Are you honest with yourself?” I would have said yes with out hesitation, my current behavior says otherwise. It is deeply annoying that weight loss is SO MUCH MORE than just portion control and exercise.
I need a place free of judgement, to work through my crap because friends and family often want to offer helpful solutions and lets face it I know how to measure portions, eat 3 meals a day get more protein and sweat for 30 minutes 4 times a week - - what I apparently don’t know how to do is turn off those inner voices. Where do they pop out of??
I can be so tough. I took a surfing lesson this year. My surfing adventure started with a panic attack- odd since I kayak, snorkel and love the ocean. I took a deep breath talked my self off the ledge and went surfing. Which I hated!! The whole time I wished I was on a stand up paddle board or in a kayak not paddling with my arms face down on a board. So why is tracking my food so scary?
I guess I will chew on that this week and let you know what I find. Feel free to share your journey with me any and all insight is welcome. For now I need to track today’s food then go to the grocery store maybe I’ll even manage to meal prep this week- unless something comes out on Netflix 🤣😂🤣