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Tough few days

Monday, August 05, 2019

It’s been very stressful since May of this year. Dealing with pain issues, going to my brother’s house, being in an automobile accident, returning home only to find more stress.
My body’s response to anything right now is, nope I’m shutting down your energy levels.
I’m trying to remember to breathe and let go of various things. I’m grateful for my life and each day I wake up.
I broke down talking to my son this morning. I told him I had mentioned to my bff I might not be able to do our usual September trip and go to Florida. My wonderful son, reminded me of words I spoke many years ago about putting having fun and doing things I liked off because everyone was ahead of me. He told me that yes he does listen to what I say even when it doesn’t seem like it. Of course by then I was crying. He said the trips I have upcoming are important for me mentally and physically. I also told him I was afraid of the future. Seeing how much my life and abilities have gone down the past two years scares me. Despite what I’ve done it can’t be prevented or stopped. My future is now scary because of my losing ground. I’m not scared of dying, I’ve already died once. I’m so grateful that God gave me a second.
I’m being led down unfamiliar territory with my eyes. My vision is getting extremely near sighted. I have been dealing with wet macular degeneration for 10 1/2 years now. Maybe new issues are happening because of the extreme near sightedness. My vision is scaring me a lot, that I can’t deny. I’ve been working myself crazy on genealogy and typing recipes for my new cookbooks. Plus reading my many books. Add in an online course in seminary, my latest interest. My eyes tire out so much easier,
Maybe I’m trying to cram too much in? Add in my coloring app, and a few games I like to play. Plus tonight I went through unfollowing and deleting and hiding post, people and pages that show up on my Facebook. It’s been filled with arguing, political bs and hate in general. Several people are snoozed for 30 days. They may be removed yet from my life and Facebook. I’m trying to keep things positive and uplifting.
I appreciate each and everyone of y’all. I appreciate your prayers and I always say a pray back for you. I believe in miracles because this second chance is a miracle.
Thank you for reading my blog. Sending you love and hugs and prayers always
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    To add to SNUZYQ2's response, attack one spoke, one day at a time. Go with your bff and use the time to rest, reflect, and heal. Prayers for better tomorrows.
    103 days ago
    emoticon )
    103 days ago
  • FROSTY99
    Ramona I will keep you in my prayers. I do understand your eye issues and I think you may be pushing them too hard. I have macular, glaucoma and extra veins (drusen) as well as cataracts and was an avid reader but no more. My eyes get too tired to easily and things get fuzzy so I limit my time reading and then only on extremely sunny days. I know it is difficult to give up things we love but maybe if you prioritize what is most important to you and work on that and then something else and not push so hard it will not tax you so much.

    103 days ago
    OH I think SNUZYQ2's response is brilliant. I will keep you in my prayers that things lighten up for you, but in the meantime, just don't give up! HUGS
    104 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    104 days ago
    I think, sometimes, that pains are like the spokes of a wheel that is taking me in a direction I don't want to go and am even afraid to go. The wheel keeps on turning anyway. There don't seem to be any brakes. The circle of the wheel is like the cycle of my pains, with each particular pain being a spoke that goes right to the center of my well-being. My pains (stressors) are many and varied; emotional, mental, physical, even spiritual. As my "pain-wheel" turns, each spoke seems to cause the wheel (cycle) to gain momentum and I get worse and worse. What I learned over time is that if I can interrupt the cycle at even just one of the spokes, the wheel slows down and I start to improve. So I pick one pain, such as: "I'm sad". On paper, I put those words into the center of a circle. I then draw the spokes which are each little thing that is feeding into my sadness. I label all the spokes. There are a lot of them! Then I go after just one of those spokes on that wheel to find a way or ways to lessen its' impact on my sadness. I repeat with the other spokes, focusing on just one spoke at a time until the entire wheel has been addressed. One of my wheel-centers is "I'm sensitive to gluten". Taking care of this one is pretty straight-forward but there are a lot of spokes to deal with. Anyway, I've used this simple exercise to recover from chronic-fatigue-immune-dysfunction syndrome and from fibromyalgia years ago. I use this system today to address my Bi-polar 1 depression and mania and PTSD. I'm using this for fear. I'm using it to fight my obesity. And my diabetes. And my high blood pressure. And my high cholesterol It appears that one can have many wheels and all of them present at the same time. So, I work just one wheel at a time. Now draw another circle. Into the center put the words "My well-being". The spokes of this wheel are each of the pains (wheel centers) you've addressed and minimized (as best you could). Look at this wheel often and admire it as your health and well-being gain momentum. This exercise keeps me much less overwhelmed and life, in general, is much more manageable for me. So...pick a wheel and have a go, friend! I hope this helps you in some way! emoticon
    104 days ago
    Ramona, I will keep you in my prayers and hope that things get better for you. Don't think that you can't do things anymore. You just have to find a new way of doing them. Take some time to do what you want, not what you think you need to. Stress can be taking a toll on you. Take each day as it comes.
    104 days ago
    Keeping you in my prayers. God bless you emoticon
    104 days ago
    104 days ago
    Keep believing, keep learning, and keep the faith! ! I,too, have been given a second chance, and I sometimes I wonder why. I keep searching for my grand purpose, but I suspect it is just to be and live each moment as it comes. Sending you love and light! !
    104 days ago
  • FRAN0426
    I believe that all the reading of the cook books, genealogy work, plus the other reading is effecting your eyes. I have a cataract that needs removing, have been putting it off. I can tell you that has effected my eyes when reading. I have finally figured out to just read for less periods of time.
    Getting away, if your up for it in September, may be good, as your son told you. Sometimes getting away from all you do each day is beneficial for us. You will be with your BFF, and you always have fun when you do that trip being with her. You are the one that must decide if you go to Florida or not. Yes I can see why you have fears of the unknown future with the eye problem and medical problems--but you have to try and relax and let life happen. Please don't deny yourself doing the trips or anything else, because life happens, and none of us knows when things will happen. Love, and hugs to you and prayers for you too.
    104 days ago
    Keeping you in my prayers. I understand.
    104 days ago
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