JUBILANT JULY DAYS 26-28!Weekend Wrap
Sunday, July 28, 2019
Friday’s Grapefruit: Life is never boring, but some people choose to be bored.~Wayne Dyer
Happy All or Nothing Day, aunts & Uncles Day, System Administrator Day, Americans With Disabilities Day, Armed Forces Unification Day, Bagelfest Day, Lumberjack Day, National Get Narly Day, National Talk in An Elevator Day& One Voice Day!
What do you call a bagel that can fly?~A Plane Bagel!*why did the bagel lose the election?~It was a victim of a shmear campaign!*Why do seagulls fly over the sea?~Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!*Why doesn't anyone want to work at the bagel shop?~It's a crumby place to work!*What do you call baby bagels?~Bagel Bites!*What kind of bagel does a smartass eat?~A knows everything bagel!*What do you call a Jamaican bagel?~CinnaMON!*What do ghosts put on bagels?~Scream cheese!*What’s a lumberjack’s favorite month?~SepTIMBER!*What does a lumberjack call sawdust?~Man glitter!*What does a lumberjack do before turning off the computer?~Logs off!*What did the tree say to the lumberjack?~I’m falling for you!*Why do ghosts like elevators?~They lift their spirits!*What happens when you put a cow in an elevator?~You raise the steaks!*What did one elebator say to the other?~I think I’m coming down with something!*What’s the bes thing about elevator music?~It’s uplifting!*Did you hear about the man who could jump from tree to tree?~he was a monkey’s uncle!*What do you call an angry French Aunt?~A CrossAunt!*Who’s a penguin’s favorite relative?~Aunt Artica!*What is Katylyn Jenner’s nephew’s favorite movie?~Aunt Man!*My uncle told me I’m his favorite daughter of his sister…~Which is niece!*Uncle Ben probably wouldn’t discourage Peter Parker from joining The Avengers…..~But, his aunt May!*Why did Uncle Sam get a divorce?~His wife was Auntie America!*My uncle drank a full body of varnish….~he had a horrible death, but a lovely finish!*My uncle used to always say “Fight fire with fire!”~That’s probably why he got fired from the fire brigade!
I love summertime more than anything else in the world. That is the only thing that gets me through the winter, knowing that summer is going to be there.~Jack McBrayer~~ "All living things are gnarly, in that they inevitably do things that are much more complex than one might have expected." ~ Rudy RuckerI go through phases where I'll overuse words. S.E. Hinton, who wrote The Outsiders - she and I have been in contact for the 50th anniversary of the book - and she said, "You still owe me the 10 dollars that we bet that you couldn't stop saying the word 'gnarly.'"~Rob Lowe~~We must stand firm between two kinds of madness: the belief that we can do anything; and the belief that we can do nothing.~Alain~~To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.~Anatole France~~Life is either a great adventure or nothing.~Helen Keller~~Parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles are made more powerful guides and rescuers by the bonds of love that are the very nature of a family.~Henry B. Eyring~~Across the board, from my mother to my father to my aunts and uncles, everybody has always given me a lot of love.~Amos Lee~~I want to be the coolest aunt in the entire world.~Bailee Madison~~The best aunts aren't substitute parents, they're co-conspirators.~Daryl Gregory~~Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.~Peter Kay~~No family is complete without an embarrassing uncle.~Peter Morgan~~An aunt is someone special to remember with warmth, think of with pride, and cherish with love.!unknown~~ I not only call you uncle, I call you friend! ~Unknown~~It's generally a more productive day when you learn something from life rather than try to teach it something.~Robert Brault
Saturday’s Banana: To do the same thing over and over again is not only boredom: it is to be controlled by rather than to control what you do.~Heraclitus
Happy National Day of the cowboy, Take Your houseplants For A Walk Day, Take Your Pants for A walk Day, Barbie-in-a-blender Day, Love Is Kind Day, National Dance Day, National Day of Lament, National Scotch Day, National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day, Paddle for Perthes Disease Awareness Day & Walk on Stilts Day! A lot of walking going on today…
I bought some London Bridg Pants…~They keep falling down!*What is the problem with pants made from spider silk?~The flies keep getting stuck!*Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?~In case he got a hole in one!*What do you call a happy cowboy?~A Jolly Rancher!*What do you call someone who wears cowboy clothes?~Ranch Dressing!*What illness did the rodeo cowboy catch?~BRONCOitis!*Why did the cowboy get a lot of laughs?~He kept horsing around!*What do you call a cowboy with bad gas?~Darn Tootin’!*What did the cowboy say to the pencil?~Draw!*How do cowboys cook their meals?~On the range!*What makes some houseplants better at math than others?~Square Roots!*Why are plants so thin?~They always eat light!*Where do houseplants go to recharge?~The power plant!
Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy. To do nothing and have it count for something. To lie in the grass and count the stars. To sit on a branch and study the clouds.~Regina Brett~~It is more fitting for a man to laugh at life than to lament over it.~Seneca the Younger~~I didn't want normal until I didn't have it anymore~Maggie Stiefvater~~Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.~Joe E. Lewis~~I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.~George Burns~~We carry our house plants from one window to another to give them the proper heat, light, and moisture. Should we not be at least as careful of ourselves?~William George Jordan~~Walking is man's best medicine.~Hippocrates~~Walking is the great adventure, the first meditation, a practice of heartiness and soul primary to humankind. Walking is the exact balance between spirit and humility.~Gary Snyder~~It all comes down to self-esteem. To be capable of humility, or compassion, or tolerance, you must be able to look in a mirror and be proud of yourself.~~Robert Brault
Sunday’s Honeydew: There's no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there's no excuse for boredom, ever.~Viggo Mortensen
Happy National Milk Chocolate Day, Parents Day, Aunties Day, Buffalo Soldiers Day & National Waterpark Day!
What candy is never on time?~ChocoLATE!*What’s the opposite of chocolate?~Chocoearly!*What do you call a sheep dipped in chocolate?~A Candy Baa!*What do you call a kitten dipped in chocolate?~A Kitty Kat Bar!*Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?~To get chocolate milk!*What kind of chocolate do they sell at airports?~Plane chocolate!*What chocolates are made especially for girls?~Her-She Kisses!
The summer looks out from her brazen tower, Through the flashing bars of July.~Francis Thompson~~Chocolate is the greatest gift to women ever created, next to the likes of Paul Newman and Gene Kelly. It's something that should be had on a daily basis.~Sandra Bullock~~Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.~Lora Brody~~Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.~Gina Barreca~~When you have brought up kids, there are memories you store directly in your tear ducts.~Robert Brault~~It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.~Phyllis Diller~~The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.~Lane Olinghouse~~Set your hopes for the young no higher than your example.~Robert Brault