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Appreciate what is in front of you

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Since our move my husband has been struggling with emotions. We made a huge lifestyle change which I am so happy about but for reasons he can't explain my husband is lost. He keeps looking for things to stress about. We removed financial stress from our lives by downsizing and buying a fixer upper, no mortgage no debt. The renovations are in full swing, we put in my dream kitchen, the addition is framed, the front porch was started yesterday, the new roof and siding go on next week.

The beauty of where we live is breath taking. Standing on my half built front porch yesterday I realized I could see river from there, very peak-a-boo but there it is. I can walk down there for my morning coffee, I can run, I can canoe, I can relax.

The last two nights I have literally grabbed his hand drag him out of the chair to come running with me. He refuses to run these days so I said we could just go for a walk in the woods. No aggressive hills, just a walk. He grunted but agreed.

As we walked I stopped and admired the view, he kept going. This morning I emailed him the photos so he could see what he is missing.

Train trestles from the 1800s still standing in the lake.

Looking out at the woods.

Lake at dusk, filled with the sounds of laughing kids and families having fun.

I'm hoping he sees what I see, I hope he stops to listen to the birds. I hope he sees our home and realizes we have what we've always dreamed of doing. I can't force him to see beauty, I can't force him to appreciate life but what I can do is be here for him, hold his hands while he gets through his struggles and hopefully can appreciate what is right in front on him.

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    80 days ago
    Beautiful views and thoughts about your home, hopefully your DH will be able to appreciate it all like you do.
    83 days ago
    Sometimes change brings depression, even good change. I retired 5 years ago, thought my depression would lessen with less stress, but I still struggle with mood swings. We have 3 wonderful homes, but brain physiology is what it is. My DH is wonderfully understanding, but some days, we just "have to go through it" knowing that better times will come. emoticon
    84 days ago
    DEEGIRL50 said exactly what was on my mind. I have a feeling that would be my husband's reaction, like yours, just BLAH and lost -- thinking about all the 'if's, and's and but's' as well as the 'woulda, coulda, shoulda' questions, too.

    You are being extremely gentle and supportive of him, and that's about all you can do till he's ready to move on.

    84 days ago
    You/re a true friend to your hubby.
    84 days ago
    You sure do live in a beautiful place! You're so lucky! My heart goes out to your husband. I have felt the same way for various reasons: empty nest, divorce, etc. Sometimes it just takes time to figure out what to focus on when what consumed you every day is now gone. Maybe a counselor would help? I'm all for counselors because mine did wonders for me. Keep enjoying your surroundings and your life while he figures out what brings him joy!
    84 days ago
    Your new home surroundings looks beautiful, and I am glad you took steps to relieve financial burdens. Moving is a major stressor in life. I am so sorry your husband is struggling. Is it possible that he suffers from depression? Medication can work wonders and can help get people through the chemical imbalance that causes depression
    84 days ago
    I'm not a doctor... but, I was wondering... could the stress be because he's worried about you? Your recent health issues may have knocked him for a loop.

    I love your view and dreams do come true!
    84 days ago
    Beautiful pictures. I hope all your hard work pays off. Has your husband been thoroughly checked by a competent physician? Hopefully he will be able to again enjoy the life you two have been building together.
    Keep leading him along gently and lovingly. I frankly wish that I had more words of wisdom for you but I just want to say that I appreciate your efforts in reaching out to him and making such huge changes.
    84 days ago
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