ECKOKITTEN
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Binges all the way down

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

*cry* I broke my fast and binged. I'm angry and disappointed at myself. We have been having a very bad time and some stuff turned a bit around for us and my husband said let's get pizza. Pizza is my favorite. I planned for it. I could order thin crust, it was going to fit within my calories and I wasn't even going to break my fast much. Perfect. I can do this! No... He wanted it as soon as they opened and he was super hungry so I was like fine, I'll break my fast. I'm still on plan no biggie. Nope. I order not just normal crust but pan pizza. I ate the entire pizza. This put me at over 3000 calories for the day. :( I don't even know what happened. I was eating and then 1 slice was left and I hated myself and was ashamed and that just spurred me on to get rid of it and I ate that too. I was doing so well. And I was even doing well with controlling my binges. It kindof makes me think about smoking. I quit what feels like a lifetime ago. A super super longtime ago. But still there is a small twinge of "I want a cigarette" still hidden down deep that pokes its head out sometimes. It never truly goes away, it just becomes a quieter voice that is easier to ignore. I wonder if that will be the same as my binges? Once I finally break the habit part I still won't ever be truly free? It will still be there taunting me and my desire to be thin and healthy will just have to be louder than it? It's a bit depressing and yet motivating to be strong enough to do that but I wish I had a magic wand and could just poof it into nonexistence. I'm fasting tonight. I feel so sick from the binge I don't think I could eat anyways. I'm just hoping I don't gain.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Have to agree maybe you just need a short break from your fasting. Maybe mentally it's a little much for you when you have stress. Just thinking out loud.

    IN the meantime, you have to move ahead. You can still keep going on your path.

    HUGS
    83 days ago
  • NASFKAB
    It is OK to give in to a craving. Just move on. Also as someone suggested take a break from fasting. All the best.
    83 days ago
  • PB1959
    It's ok. We all have that happen. Maybe quit fasting and eat your meals. Stay within your calorie . Fasting is not for everyone. Don't start smoking. I quit once and started back. It is a fierce habit to quit.
    84 days ago
  • TCANNO
    Just move on

    You got this
    84 days ago
  • CLOUDWALKING
    You’re up front with yourself and tomorrow is another day. Slow and steady, as with smoking persistance and perseverance...you’re Looking forward Keep Sparking ... proud of your determination!!!
    84 days ago
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